From Coffee Plans to Rope Bondage: A Tokyo First Date Story
"Okay, you can tie me up now." My date Noriko* looked eagerly up at me, pushing her arms together as she made the request. Looking around the dimly lit venue, I was taken aback but pleasantly curious. This wasn't just any bar. I wasn't holding a pint, but instead, a length of rope. For my first date in nearly a decade, I found myself in a fetish club called Titty Twister on Valentine's Day.
A Far Cry from Coffee Plans
This was a far cry from the initial coffee at a small cafe I had planned in central Tokyo. I had moved to Japan in 2019 for work as a writer, and two years in, my relationship with my ex had ended. After nine years together, and despite moving to Tokyo as a couple, she had decided she stopped liking the country, and then me.
A few months later, following encouragement from friends, I worked up the confidence to try dating apps. But I faced several roadblocks. The language barrier was the biggest one. I was strong on day-to-day Japanese, but a lot still eluded me. I felt trepidation when initially matching with Noriko in late January.
Overcoming Communication Challenges
Our language difficulties were not easily overcome, and communication could be tough. She wasn't interested in a long-term relationship and seemed more open-minded toward my preference for a casual fling than other women I had messaged. We began chatting every day through text, with translator apps becoming a godsend for communication. Then we progressed to phone calls, which were more difficult but manageable with her patience and kindness.
We were building a connection and flirting. She told me she liked it when a man took charge. I just didn't know to what extent at the time. In hindsight, I should have noticed the signs. When Noriko mentioned her hair being pulled, I assumed it was a joke.
The Valentine's Day Surprise
She suggested we go for drinks on Valentine's Day, which was the following Saturday. I thought this was maybe a bit much for a first date, so I suggested a quick coffee the weekend before. She agreed, but that weekend I got a text saying, due to her anxiety, she didn't really want to leave her flat. I was surprised and naturally disappointed. "But don't worry, I still definitely want to see you on Saturday," she reassured me.
Meeting up at a nearby station, I felt tense. But she seemed confident and assured, which put me at ease. While it's always a bit odd meeting someone after only communicating online, things seemed to be going pretty smoothly. She was cute, energetic, and bouncy. I was thrilled to meet her.
Entering the Titty Twister
She then escorted me to Titty Twister. Looking at the sign, I saw an "Introduction to Shibari" evening, which is Japanese rope bondage. I instantly gulped but tried to keep my poker face on, anticipating the kink-filled first date that apparently was to come.
I ordered a drink and politely watched the demonstration with Noriko, which showed it to be very artistic and complex enough to be challenging but not too difficult to attempt as a novice. Eventually, it was time for the attendees to give it a go.
The Rope Bondage Experience
While everyone turned to their partners and muttered to each other, I looked at Noriko. Something about the pure joy in her eyes made me want to do it. I've never been especially dexterous, but surprised myself by how easily tying her hands was. Initially, nervousness made me have a couple of slip-ups, but with some guidance, I found it surprisingly easy to just repeat the motions and ties to create something pretty to look at and effective at keeping someone's arms in place.
We talked more about ourselves and our experiences. She was someone who was naturally shy but felt more free when she was bound. It seemed a strange contradiction, but I came to understand it.
The Aftermath and Lessons Learned
Following a fun night, we bid each other farewell a few hours later at the station. After a farewell kiss, we departed in different directions. Sadly, our relationship did not continue, and she soon ended it via text. It seems my technique was not tight enough for her. Understandable: as a novice, I was scared to make things too tight.
Still, it was a touch disappointing, as things were pretty early on, and I had seen potential with her. Noriko told me she preferred someone stricter and that it helps her anxiety. Luckily, I've learned to be pretty casual about things in my relationships. In a way, learning to restrict someone else helped me feel a little more loose.
Though, at least I learned two things. The first is how to bind wrists. And the second is to research the venue beforehand.
*Names have been changed
