From Dating Apps to a Dark Park: Steph Tisdell's Journey to Love
In her early thirties, comedian Steph Tisdell grew weary of swiping through dating profiles featuring men holding fish. She decided to tentatively explore dating women in her hometown of Brisbane, Australia. After a rocky start, a friend posed a crucial question Steph had never seriously considered: what did she truly want in a partner?
Refining the Search for Kind Eyes
Steph's criteria were straightforward yet profound. She sought someone principled, kind, and smart. Moving beyond her previous focus on humor, quirkiness, or physical attraction, by 2024 she was searching for one specific trait: kind eyes. This shift in perspective led her to Jessie, who worked in a bookshop and had a brief but well-crafted dating profile.
Upon seeing Jessie's profile, Steph immediately sensed she was a decent person. She reached out with a heartfelt message, complimenting Jessie's beauty not just physically but as an expression of deep character. Though Steph felt awkward sending it, she believed the right person would understand. Jessie responded graciously but cautiously, reflecting her naturally shy personality and preference for taking things slow.
The First Meeting in a Dark Park
Their first date occurred in a dark park after work, a scenario they joked would be unthinkable with a man. Jessie arrived wearing a knee-length gingham dress with a baby T-shirt underneath, carrying homemade tofu stir-fry to share. Beyond her striking appearance, Jessie's calming energy and sharp, sweet humor captivated Steph. The date ended with a charming argument about who would walk whom to their car, both being new to the nuances of Sapphic dating etiquette.
This encounter set the stage for what Steph describes as a delightfully old-fashioned courtship. As Steph traveled for work, they exchanged voice notes, photos, flowers, postcards, and poems, both agreeing that romance is often wasted on men. Every small gesture felt perfectly timed, making Steph feel she had finally found someone who spoke her emotional language.
The Halloween Revelation
As Halloween approached, Jessie planned to dress up as Meg from the children's book series Meg and Mog for work, alongside a colleague as Mog. When Steph visited the bookshop on October 31st, she saw Jessie in her perfect little witch's hat, thoroughly enjoying herself and delighting the children around her. In that moment, Steph knew she was a goner. Jessie possessed a magical ability to make even the smallest activities feel fun and meaningful.
That night, Steph began compiling a secret list in her diary: reasons she loved Jessie. Each day, she wrote a private letter noting something new she had observed about her partner. This practice helped Steph avoid prematurely declaring her love, though those three words eventually slipped out during a cuddled moment weeks later. To Steph's relief, Jessie, ever cool and considered, reciprocated the feeling.
Quiet Acts of Generosity
Steph continued documenting Jessie's endearing qualities in her private ledger. She noted how at a speed-dating event aimed at improving their lesbian social skills, Jessie intentionally matched with someone who had expressed difficulty making friends. Jessie later texted this person to explain that while she was in a relationship, she thought the woman was lovely and would be happy to be her friend.
Other small gestures stood out: Jessie would leave the last bite of shared dishes for Steph, sometimes even pretending she didn't like it so Steph could enjoy it without guilt. These understated acts of generosity, never boasted about or seeking recognition, demonstrated a level of decency that Steph found incredibly attractive. Even when directed at others, these quiet kindnesses made Steph love Jessie more.
A Christmas Gift of Love
By Christmas, Steph had compiled an extensive dossier detailing every little thing Jessie had done over the previous three months that confirmed she was the one. Steph presented this collection as a gift, which moved Jessie to tears—exactly the reaction Steph had hoped for. Nearly eighteen months into their relationship, Jessie continues to make Steph feel as safe in love as she ever has.
While they have navigated all the significant relationship conversations, it remains the small, everyday acts of kindness that mean the most to Steph. This journey from dating app fatigue to finding profound connection through old-fashioned romance and quiet generosity illustrates the power of seeking depth over superficiality in relationships.
