The Harry Potter Bond That Couldn't Survive Transgender Debates
What began as a shared childhood love for the wizarding world of Harry Potter ultimately became the wedge that drove my cousin and me apart. For years, our connection was built on the magical foundation of J.K. Rowling's creation, but when her controversial views on transgender people emerged, it revealed fundamental differences that shattered our relationship.
The Facebook Post That Changed Everything
It all started with a seemingly innocent social media share back in 2019. My cousin Radhika* posted a meme defending J.K. Rowling against criticism from transgender activists, including one particularly graphic tweet. Seeing this appear on my feed without context or commentary made me physically ill. This wasn't just about literary preferences anymore – it felt like a declaration of values.
At that precise moment, my trans sister-in-law had recently come out. Radhika knew how much I loved and supported her, making the Facebook post feel like a particularly cowardly way to express disapproval of her journey. When I challenged my cousin about not calling out Rowling's transphobic comments, her silence spoke volumes. She even 'liked' transphobic comments that appeared beneath her post.
A Childhood Bond Built on Books and Escape
Growing up, Radhika was my cool older sister figure. I became an avid reader because she always had her nose in a book, which naturally led me to become a die-hard Potterhead. When my mother married an abusive man and we moved from Mauritius to London, Harry Potter became my sanctuary – a magical escape from the horrors of my new reality.
When my stepfather banned Harry Potter from our home because he couldn't stand anything that brought me joy, Radhika remained my connection to that world. Our shared love for the series felt vital to my survival during those dark years. We spoke on the phone whenever possible, and those conversations became the only times I could truly be myself.
Early Warning Signs I Chose to Ignore
Looking back, there were subtle indications that our worldviews were diverging long before the Rowling controversy. As teenagers, Radhika converted to a fundamentalist form of Christianity that seemed to demonise certain groups of people. I once noticed she had liked a homophobic Facebook post shared by one of her Christian friends, but I wasn't ready to confront what that might mean about her character.
Over the years, I witnessed her treating people in increasingly appalling ways, myself included. Simultaneously, I watched J.K. Rowling's public stance on transgender issues evolve in what felt like a disturbing direction. In 2018, she liked a tweet describing trans women as 'men in dresses' before claiming it was accidental. Her language grew progressively more hostile, culminating in a lengthy essay expressing concerns about 'the new trans activism.'
The Painful but Necessary Break
By 2022, when Rowling began funding legal defences for people who lost work due to gender-critical beliefs, I had seen enough. Many original Harry Potter stars like Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, and Eddie Redmayne had publicly distanced themselves from her views. I realised I needed to do the same with my cousin.
Ending contact with Radhika was both heartbreaking and relieving. I explicitly told her I was cutting ties because of her transphobia before blocking her on all platforms. Five years later, I haven't had a single regret about that decision. We exchanged only polite greetings when we crossed paths at a family event last year, and ideally, we wouldn't share the same space at all.
Navigating the Complicated Legacy of Fandom
Separating from Harry Potter has proven more complicated than separating from my cousin. My connection to The Boy Who Lived was deeply personal – we both grew up in abusive households, finding refuge in his story. However, Rowling's persistent vitriol against transgender people has forced me to reconsider my relationship with her creation.
I no longer spend money on the Harry Potter franchise. I won't visit the Warner Brothers studio tour again or see Harry Potter and the Cursed Child on stage. My son will inherit my original book copies rather than receiving new editions. The magical world that once saved me now carries too much painful baggage.
There will always be a sister-shaped hole in my life where Radhika once existed, but I mourn the girl I knew as a child, not the vindictive, transphobic adult she became. Ironically, without J.K. Rowling's very public stance on transgender issues, I might never have seen my cousin's true colours. Sometimes the most painful revelations come from the most unexpected sources.
*Name has been changed to protect privacy
