The Great Easter Egg Hunt for Quality Chocolate
When writer Nicholas Jordan embarked on his annual Easter chocolate taste test, he carried with him the fading memories of childhood indulgence. "What I wanted from this taste test was hope," Jordan explains, "hope that delicious chocolate still exists in foil wrappers, hope that my unbridled childhood joy isn't a relic but a reality for adult me."
The Testing Methodology
The blind taste test involved 29 different supermarket chocolate eggs, all foil-wrapped and small enough for traditional Easter hunts. Six adult reviewers joined Jordan, along with one three-year-old who provided the most enthusiastic and least judgmental feedback. The adults scored each egg on taste and texture using a standardized system.
The selection criteria included:
- At least one product from each major brand
- Two products from brands with extensive ranges
- Only supermarket-available options
- Traditional Easter egg format and packaging
A Gradual Descent into Disappointment
Over the course of tasting 29 different products, Jordan's initial optimism gave way to a sobering realization. "My hopes weren't crushed; they were gradually, over the course of 29 rounds, replaced by a single, sad thought: the quality of Easter chocolate is simply worse than chocolate any other time of the year," he reports.
The experience felt like attending a harvest festival organized by the town's most frugal citizen. While some decent eggs emerged, the overall quality was so disappointing that by the end, everyone except the three-year-old was simply relieved the ordeal was over.
The Standout Performers
Best Overall: Ferrero Collection Chocolate Wafer Eggs
Scoring an impressive 9/10, these eggs offered the complete package: wafer, whole-hazelnut center, ganache, and quality chocolate. "A standard of chocolate that reassures you that this was made by people with integrity," Jordan notes. Despite being premium-priced at $9.30 for 100g, they represent better value than many cheaper alternatives when considering quality.
Best Plain Egg: Koko Black Milk Little Eggs
With 34% cocoa solids, these eggs scored 7.5/10 for delivering exactly what they promised: actual chocolate. Reviewers described them as "the first actually chocolate egg" and "most choc so far." However, their excellence was tempered by their lack of memorable character, much like background jazz at a dinner party.
Best Value: Hugos Hazelnut Cream Mini Eggs
At just $4.49 for 100g, these Aldi products scored 7/10 despite not tasting particularly chocolatey. Jordan classified them as "cereal candy" rather than chocolate, but found them enjoyable enough to suggest rebranding as a breakfast treat.
The Middle Ground and Disappointments
Lindt Milk Chocolate Mini Eggs scored 8.5/10, essentially offering Lindt balls in egg form at a slightly better price point. Kinder Bueno Eggs received 8/10 but contained 6g more sugar per 100g than regular Kinder Bueno bars.
The Cadbury Dairy Milk Easter Eggs managed only 6/10, with Jordan noting their score reflected the poor quality of competitors rather than any improvement in Cadbury's own standards. "When you're eating Hello Kitty-branded compound chocolate and Life Savers chocolate eggs speckled with Fruit Tingles, Cadbury feels like a pretty safe middle ground," one reviewer observed.
The Bottom of the Basket
Darrell Lea Mini Chocolate Easter Hunt Eggs scored a dismal 3/10, with reviewers describing them as "waxy, sticky and slightly minty" and "what I imagine dog chocolate would taste like." Interestingly, ChatGPT predicted these would score 8.8/10, highlighting the gap between artificial intelligence and actual human taste buds.
The ultimate disappointment came from Health Lab Gooey Caramel Mylk Chocolate Half Eggs, which scored just 1.5/10 - the lowest score in Jordan's three years of conducting supermarket taste tests. Despite having 35% cocoa solids, reviewers found them "confusing" and lacking in any discernible chocolate flavor.
The Economic Reality of Easter Chocolate
Jordan's investigation revealed a troubling pricing pattern: Easter eggs typically cost 13% more by weight than equivalent regular chocolate blocks from the same brands. The total cost for this taste test was the second-highest in the column's history, raising questions about value for money in seasonal confectionery.
A Cultural Shift in Chocolate Consumption
The taste test highlights how adult relationships with Easter chocolate have evolved. Where childhood meant unrestricted chocolate consumption during the holiday season, adults now approach Easter treats with more discernment and higher expectations. The widespread disappointment suggests manufacturers may be prioritizing novelty and packaging over actual chocolate quality during the Easter period.
As Jordan concludes: "The three-year-old enjoyed every egg. The adults, having tasted better chocolate throughout the year, could not say the same." This generational divide speaks volumes about how chocolate standards have changed, and not for the better, when it comes to seasonal treats.
