From 'The Ick' to 'I Do': How Couples Overcome Relationship Disgust
Whether it's poor table manners, the color of their bedsheets, or the fact they use an umbrella in light rain, 'the ick' can manifest in countless trivial ways that suddenly make a romantic partner seem repulsive. The British Psychological Society formally defines this phenomenon as 'a feeling of disgust triggered by a specific, often extremely trivial, behavior from a romantic partner.' Meanwhile, reality television personality Olivia Attwood, who helped popularize the term on the 2017 series of Love Island, offered a more visceral description: 'When you're seeing a boy and you get the ick, it doesn't go... once you've caught it, it takes over your body.'
The Prevalence and Power of the Ick
A significant 2025 study revealed that 42% of daters ended relationships after experiencing the ick, with an additional 26% terminating partnerships immediately upon feeling that wave of disgust. However, as recent online discussions demonstrate, many couples successfully navigate past these initial revolts. A popular Reddit thread asked: 'Those of you who had an ick with someone you were dating and pushed past it, how did it turn out?' Responses varied dramatically, with one commenter noting: 'It reappears as an ick again when they piss you off.' Yet others shared triumphant stories of moving beyond the initial disgust.
One woman detailed how she ultimately married the man who once gave her a strong case of the ick. 'My husband was a bad speller and often used 'u' and made numerous typos when texting. I HATE that so much,' she confessed. 'He picked up on my discomfort and stopped. He recognized that language and spelling are my strengths, not his, so he made a conscious effort to change. On the positive side, he was a fantastic texter in terms of effort—never just one-word casual responses. I looked past the initial irritation, and now we're married with a son, so clearly I got over it.'
Why Does the Ick Trigger Such Strong Reactions?
Cate Campbell, a trauma, relationship and psychosexual therapist, explains why the ick can provoke such intense physical and emotional responses. 'If someone else did the 'disgusting' icky thing, you might just feel mild irritation or judgment,' she notes. 'But when a partner does it, people can have a very strong physical reaction and an emotional one associated with negative thoughts about the entire relationship.' According to Campbell, these behaviors often trigger such powerful reactions because they threaten personal identity, generating profound feelings of shame and disgust.
The partner's response to being told they're causing disgust becomes equally crucial. Campbell emphasizes: 'If they brush off the incident and keep repeating the behavior, it's very likely their icked partner will feel they're incompatible—potentially leading to an even bigger ick about the lack of responsiveness to their feelings.'
Can Relationships Recover from the Ick?
Does succumbing to the ick inevitably doom a relationship? Not necessarily. Campbell suggests that if the offending behavior is genuinely trivial—like witnessing a partner clip their toenails—rather than reflecting deeper moral or intellectual incompatibilities, recovery remains possible. 'That kind of ick is much easier to get over as it can pass and never be seen again, so long as the icky partner appreciates the extent of the disgust and avoids repetition,' she explains. 'But some people go on to use the icky behavior to tease or taunt their partner, which has a much poorer prognosis.'
The true relationship killers are icks intrinsically tied to morality or core identity. Campbell identifies topics like sexual preferences or porn consumption as potential triggers that might 'affect the partner's feelings about themselves.' This shame—stemming from behaviors like past infidelity or fundamentally incompatible sexual styles—can prove incredibly challenging to overcome, sometimes requiring professional couples therapy.
One Reddit user named Taylor shared her perspective: 'It depends on what you consider an ick. I saw an ex's boogers once and, yeah, that was gross, but it's a normal bodily function. On the other hand, I've also gotten the ick when someone can't plan something independently, even something simple like a date or party. That's more of a personality trait that's harder to move past.'
When Does the Ick Signal It's Time to Leave?
With countless jokes circulating about the ick phenomenon, distinguishing between general relationship disillusionment and genuine loss of attraction becomes essential. Campbell clarifies: 'Relationship disillusionment normally sets in when couples have passed some commitment milestone, such as getting engaged or moving in together. Icks at this stage may signal fears about losing independence or other commitment issues.'
Alternatively, these feelings might reflect authentic disgust warranting serious relationship evaluation. 'Icks are helpful in that they signal a problem, so they should be taken seriously,' Campbell concludes. 'Recovery can be as much about how the rift is managed by the pair as about the ick itself. If they can work together respectfully, acknowledging each other's position, they have a much better chance of overcoming the issue.'
