Summer Tao, a trans woman, describes her journey overcoming a severe needle phobia to self-administer weekly hormone replacement therapy (HRT) injections, a critical part of her gender transition that began in 2020.
The First Blood Draw
During a routine blood draw, a nurse remarked on how calm Summer was about needles. Summer laughed, but internally she knew how monumental this moment was. As a child, she had to be held down for injections. Overcoming that fear became essential when she realized her phobia could prevent her from becoming her true self.
Coming Out During Lockdown
Summer's gender journey started in 2020, after two weeks of intense reflection during the pandemic. She told her then-girlfriend, Cara, "I think I might be trans." Initially, Summer thought her discomfort with her gender was normal, but support groups helped her realize it was gender dysphoria. Cara was supportive throughout.
Deciding on Medical Transition
After a year of oral estrogen under a doctor's supervision, her physician suggested switching to weekly injections for better physiological results. Summer reluctantly agreed, motivated by her desire for a smooth medical transition despite her dread of needles.
First Self-Injection
Summer delivered her first injection after careful instruction. Cara left the room to avoid adding pressure. The first jab was shaky and painful, but she succeeded. Over the following months, she sometimes felt too anxious to complete the dose, leaving part of it in the syringe. However, she felt more in control than in childhood, with the choice to stop anytime.
Learning Through Pain
She encountered unpleasant firsts: hitting a nerve cluster, hitting a blood vessel, and injecting into a healing site. Each mishap became a learning experience. Summer notes that the process gave her a new appreciation for her body, which has flourished with estrogen. She says, "The changes I’ve observed in myself become palpably real when traced back to the discomfort of an injection site."
A Positive Transition Experience
Summer feels fortunate for her positive transition journey, acknowledging that many trans people face cruelty. She concludes that longstanding difficulties can be addressed in unforeseen ways, and approaching them with an open mind reveals new capabilities.
