Navigating Secondary Infertility at 40: A Personal IVF Journey
Jen Walpole, a registered fertility nutritionist at Bliss Clinic in Chelsea, shares her deeply personal experience with secondary infertility and the emotional rollercoaster of IVF treatment in her forties. Published on February 1, 2026, her story resonates with many women facing similar challenges.
The Devastating News
'Another embryo transfer has failed.' These words landed heavily between my husband and me at the end of 2024, creating a reality I had been dreading since we began our second IVF journey. The overwhelming emptiness was compounded by guilt that I might not be able to give our son a sibling, and grief as I watched others announce second pregnancies.
I knew that unless we tried IVF again with a different approach, I would never be able to fully close the door on expanding our family. We decided to try one last time, transferring our last two embryos to a new clinic with a different consultant.
Our First Fertility Journey
Our initial fertility journey began in 2020 when, after months of trying to conceive naturally, we sought medical help. While my comprehensive blood tests returned normal results, my husband's semen analysis revealed significant issues requiring further investigation. We learned that genetic and significant male factor issues meant natural conception was not possible, making IVF our only option.
At 36 years old, we didn't have time to wait for the NHS referral process, which could take a minimum of six months. Instead, we pursued private care, focusing on optimising egg and sperm quality through lifestyle changes including dietary adjustments, supplementation, and acupuncture.
After one unsuccessful transfer in 2021, our second frozen transfer proved successful, and our son was born in April 2022. The feeling of finally achieving what had seemed like such a distant goal was absolutely wonderful. Our first IVF journey had been relatively straightforward, and we hadn't experienced the pain of pregnancy loss.
The Decision to Try Again
Coming from a mixed British-Cypriot heritage where family is central to everything, and having grown up as one of three very close siblings, giving our son a sibling felt incredibly important. Those treasured memories of holidays and childhood mischief made us want to provide similar experiences for our child.
With five embryos still frozen from our original 2020 cycle, expanding our family felt more like a question of timing rather than possibility. When our son turned two, my husband and I decided to return to IVF. Although I was now 40 and my husband was 41, we weren't particularly worried since our embryos were frozen and we could rely on various reproductive technologies to help.
Repeated Heartbreak
Our worst nightmares came true as each embryo transfer failed. The heartbreak was profound. Our third transfer in 2024 resulted in a pregnancy, but it was later confirmed as a chemical pregnancy – a very early miscarriage. I was utterly devastated.
With only two embryos remaining, the fear and panic of not being able to conceive again set in deeply. We felt at the mercy of the IVF process, with so much seemingly out of our control.
Seeking New Solutions
As a fertility nutritionist who had built relationships with trusted specialists, we undertook immune testing before transferring our final two embryos to a new clinic. This testing examined various factors that can impact embryo implantation.
A biopsy revealed that I had a 'mixed immune profile' which created an inflammatory environment in my uterus that was not supportive of implantation. Unfortunately, our penultimate transfer in December 2024 did not result in a pregnancy, leaving me at an emotional low point as the year ended.
The Emotional Toll
Reflecting on how the year had played out, I realised how tough it had been emotionally. The process had taken a significant toll on my wellbeing as I had shrunk my social life and mistakenly believed my stress was the reason for our IVF failures.
The Christmas and New Year period proved particularly difficult as Instagram became flooded with pregnancy announcements, amplifying my feelings of failure and emptiness. I deactivated my Instagram account and booked a follow-up call with our consultant, making a promise to myself that 2025 would be different – no matter the outcome, I would focus on joy.
Prioritising Wellbeing
I never truly considered giving up because expanding our family meant everything to us. Through this fertility journey, I learned that the emotional toll can be gruelling, and that social connection, activities that bring joy, and emotional wellbeing support are just as important as dietary considerations.
Mindset coaching helped me move forward and build resilience. I leaned into the things I could control, booking a yoga retreat with a friend, a work trip to Paris, and occasional facials. I said yes to many work opportunities that came my way and focused on staying present rather than projecting far ahead.
My husband and I removed alcohol from our lives and watched what we ate, which I believe was beneficial to our overall health and fertility.
A Miraculous Outcome
We transferred our very last remaining embryo in October 2025, and miraculously, I am now finally pregnant. However, the trauma of all the losses and setbacks did not disappear with that positive pregnancy test. IVF is rarely a quick fix, and patience is essential throughout the process.
I was grateful to discover Carea, a pregnancy and postpartum wellbeing app that became an important support system. Carea is designed to support women's physical, mental, and emotional health before, during, and after pregnancy and birth. The app offers practical tools that help women feel informed, supported, and less alone, while providing a community for women and families.
Looking Forward
My husband and I have started preparing the baby's room and talking to our son about his sibling to get him ready for their arrival. He is very excited, and I'm most looking forward to introducing the baby, who is due in June, to our son.
We feel incredibly grateful to be blessed with a pregnancy after many failed IVF transfers and are praying that all progresses well.
Advice for Others
For anyone navigating secondary infertility or trying to conceive over the age of 40, my advice is to seek support early, prioritise both physical and mental health, and hold onto hope throughout what can be an emotionally challenging journey.
