For years, Sally McIlhone resisted the idea of taking medication for her mental health. But after a relentless series of personal tragedies and the sheer exhaustion of new parenthood, she reached a breaking point in the spring of 2025.
A Relationship Tested by Tragedy
Sally, a 40-year-old marketing manager from Hampshire, met her husband Paul, then a police officer, just before the Covid-19 lockdown. Their relationship was immediately tested by an ectopic pregnancy in 2020, followed by months of gruelling fertility treatment. The couple finally welcomed their son, but were unprepared for the toll of early parenthood, compounded by Paul's night shifts and severe sleep deprivation.
"Paul was doing nights, we weren't sleeping, and I was having to juggle everything," Sally explains. "It affected our relationship and him mentally." The strain became so great that Paul eventually left the police force.
Further devastation followed. A year ago, the couple lost their baby girl at 16 weeks. Almost simultaneously, they received the news that Paul's father had terminal cancer. The family had also just moved house, and Paul was diagnosed with PTSD. Sally describes feeling "buffeted from tragedy to tragedy," trying to keep countless plates spinning while she was "drowning." At their lowest ebb, both she and Paul threatened to leave the marriage.
Overcoming Stigma and Finding Relief
When Sally finally sought help from her GP, she was prescribed sertraline, a common antidepressant from the SSRI (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor) class. Hesitant and clouded by stigma, she turned to Instagram, asking: "Where my sertraline girls at? I've got questions."
The response was overwhelming. "So many friends and colleagues came out and said they'd been on it. People I never would have guessed," she recalls. Encouraged, she started the medication. After initial weeks of nausea and sleeplessness, she felt a profound shift.
"As soon as it kicked in, I felt so much better," Sally remembers. "I thought – Why hadn't I done this years ago?" She describes the effect as "turning off half the TVs in my brain," leading to less overanalysis and greater emotional resilience.
Revitalising a Marriage and Sex Life
Contrary to common fears about SSRIs harming libido, Sally experienced the opposite. The improvement in her mental health had a "huge impact" on her marriage. "We communicate in a way that's not as reactive. We give each other space... We're calmer," she says.
This newfound emotional safety reignited their physical intimacy. "It's been the direct opposite of what I feared. Because we're communicating and I feel emotionally safe, I feel sexual again and confident," Sally reveals. "We talk about what we want, and we've found that spark again." She adds, "Paul's the best sex I've ever had... I feel like a better version of myself."
The Other Side: When Side Effects Bite
Sally's positive experience is not universal. New research from sexual wellness brand Lovehoney reveals more than half of antidepressant users experience sexual dysfunction. The data indicates two in five (40%) people on antidepressants have less sex overall, and 42% masturbate less frequently.
With roughly one in six adults in England (8.89 million) currently on prescribed antidepressants, the findings suggest over 4.6 million people may be experiencing reduced sexual desire.
Chris Glennon, 46, has taken antidepressants for nearly 20 years to manage depression, anxiety, and OCD. He has suffered from a lack of sex drive, erectile dysfunction, and numbness. "It felt like having sex with someone else's body," he explains. "The girls I have been with loved it... but for me it was so numb often I wouldn't come at all." These side effects have strained his romantic relationships, with partners sometimes taking his lack of desire personally.
Expert Advice: Opening the Conversation
Dr Anand Patel, a GP and sexual function expert for Lovehoney, states that while sexual side effects are well-known, they are "rarely discussed openly." He explains: "Antidepressants work by boosting serotonin levels... But serotonin can also slow down the brain's arousal and reward systems, meaning reduced desire, dulled pleasure and delayed orgasm."
The good news, he adds, is that for most people, these effects are temporary and manageable. "With the right medical support – such as dose adjustments, medication changes or therapy – sexual wellbeing can absolutely be restored."
Dr Patel and Chris Glennon offer key advice for those struggling:
- Initiate the conversation with your doctor. You can say: "I've noticed some changes in my sex drive since starting this medication, is that something we can talk about?"
- Ask specific questions: "How likely is this medication to affect my sex drive?", "Are there alternatives?", "If I notice changes, what should I do?"
- Consider lifestyle and therapeutic support: Regular exercise, good sleep, stress management, mindfulness, and relationship therapy can all help improve libido alongside treatment.
- Push past the discomfort. As Chris advises, "The conversations that you'll have are far less awkward and embarrassing than you'd expect... There is help out there."
Both Sally's and Chris's stories highlight a crucial message: while the journey with antidepressants is deeply personal and can involve challenging trade-offs, open communication with healthcare professionals and partners is vital to finding a path that supports both mental and sexual health.
