Five Clear Indicators of Poor Kissing Technique and How to Transform Your Approach
Most people will experience at least one or two truly disappointing kissing encounters during their lifetime, almost as a rite of passage. Whether it involves excessive teeth contact, awkward foot shuffling that results in bruised toes, or an overly aggressive tongue exploration, not every intimate moment becomes a cherished memory. While these mishaps often improve with practice, some individuals might benefit from a concise refresher on the fundamentals of good kissing.
This guidance isn't intended to criticise anyone's personal style. We all have different strengths, and the art of kissing can be learned and refined, especially if you're open to recognising areas for development. Personal preferences vary significantly, and factors like nervousness or social anxiety can substantially influence whether a kiss feels successful. However, if you identify with any of these five common patterns, it might be time to reconsider your approach.
1. You Stand Like a Penguin During the Kiss
Annabelle Knight, a couples coach, psychosexual therapist, and Lovehoney's resident relationship expert, explains: "A kiss should involve much more than just lips meeting; it should include physical closeness, embracing one another, and hands exploring each other's bodies."
"If you find yourself in what I call 'penguin kissing' position – with hands rigidly at your sides – you're not creating an optimal experience for either person." Her recommendation is to literally "get a grip," which might mean gently stroking your partner's face, running fingers through their hair, or wrapping arms around their waist or neck – whatever feels natural in the moment. The only penguins present should be those in a David Attenborough documentary playing quietly in the background.
2. There's Noticeable Lack of Reciprocation
"Consensual kissing goes without saying," Annabelle emphasises. "But if you sense your partner consistently pulling away early from kisses, it might indicate issues with your technique." This situation can be complex because withdrawal might signal various things – sometimes even a deliberate move to maintain anticipation. However, if a new partner regularly breaks away from your kisses, it's worth reflecting on potential reasons.
"Try matching your rhythm and pace to your partner's," Annabelle suggests. "This synchronization can help prevent such scenarios and create more harmonious kissing experiences."
3. You Have Consistently Dry or Rough Lips
Seasonal changes, cold weather, and dry indoor heating can challenge lip condition. While "nobody can completely avoid occasional dry or chapped lips," Annabelle notes that "if you're not addressing this issue proactively, you're unlikely to be considered an exceptional kisser."
Regardless of gender or preference for fruity versus medicated products, "always keep a reliable lip balm accessible to maintain soft, kiss-ready lips." Regular lip care demonstrates consideration for your partner's comfort.
4. You End Kisses Abruptly Without Transition
When both partners have established clear consent, sudden kiss termination might indicate technical refinement is needed. Annabelle clarifies: "If either person abruptly pulls away from a kiss, something has likely gone awry."
"Understanding how to maintain connection and chemistry when lips aren't touching distinguishes skilled kissers. Developing this ability can help remedy previous mistakes." This pattern might also suggest incompatibility; if you consistently struggle with romantic connection – including kissing – evaluating your overall compatibility as a couple could be beneficial.
5. You Mirror Rather Than Complement Movements
Finally, remember this principle: if they move left, you should move right. "In ideal kissing situations," Annabelle shares, "partners synchronise perfectly, mirroring each other's movements on opposite sides to ensure lips meet comfortably without head-butting or tooth collisions."
"If, when initiating a kiss, it feels like you're facing a mime copying your exact movements, the romantic moment will likely dissipate." Her advice? "Take gentle control to establish yourself as a competent kisser, ensuring you're harmonising with rather than duplicating your partner's actions." Kissing should feel like intimate connection, not a public performance.
What Actually Makes Someone a Good Kisser?
Beyond avoiding common mistakes, several positive attributes characterise skilled kissers:
- Responsiveness to Partner's Style: Adapting to and complementing your partner's unique kissing approach
- Full Body Engagement: Involving more than just your mouth – using hands, body positioning, and overall presence
- Artful Pausing: Knowing how to briefly pause without disrupting intimacy or connection
- Making Partners Feel Chosen: Creating an experience where your partner feels specifically desired and valued
- Creating Desire for More: Leaving your partner genuinely wanting to kiss you again
With mindful attention and willingness to learn, kissing skills can significantly improve. If your partner isn't responding positively to your current approach, there's no shame in respectfully seeking personalised feedback. Remember that effective kissing involves reciprocation rather than duplication, creating shared experiences rather than solo performances.
