As global life expectancy reaches unprecedented heights, with the over-80s becoming the fastest-growing demographic, society faces profound questions about ageing. While public discourse often focuses on the strain on healthcare systems, clinical psychologist Frank Tallis argues in his new book, Wise, that a crucial conversation is being overlooked: how to age well, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally.
The Midlife Hinge Point
Historically, midlife has served as a pivotal moment where existential questions emerge. Tallis notes that in one's 40s, symptoms ranging from mild memory lapses to severe psychological distress can coalesce, a phenomenon termed the "midlife crisis" by psychoanalyst Elliott Jaques in the 1960s. Though often trivialised, especially regarding men, Tallis contends it represents a tragedy rather than a comedy. With longer lifespans and a cultural obsession with youth, managing this midpoint—and the extended second stage of life—has never been more urgent.
Convergence of Wisdom Across Ages
In researching Wise, Tallis delved into historical and contemporary sources, from Stoics and Dante to Freud and modern neuroscience. He was struck not by their differences, but by a "remarkable degree of convergence" on a simple truth: divisions within the mind correlate with poor psychological adjustment. As outward-facing ambitions of youth give way to the murkier goals of later life, mortality becomes harder to ignore through ageing bodies or parental loss. Everyone, Tallis writes, needs methods for "terror management," but problems arise when these are flimsy, excessive, or unfit for purpose.
The Culture of Denial and Acceptance
Western societies often treat ageing and death as solvable problems, a delusion Tallis describes as narcissistic and a retreat from reality. This mindset fuels "immortality projects" like cryogenics or extreme plastic surgery. He provocatively links climate-crisis denial to "the denial of death on an apocalyptic scale." Conversely, acceptance—of change, mortality, and physical limitations—is wrongly framed as defeatism. Tallis argues it is the first step toward healthy development, working constructively with reality rather than wishes.
Middle age can bring rigidities that hinder openness, but Tallis emphasises, "Adjustments must be made, or you will find yourself living a life that doesn't match the reality of your physical condition and circumstance." Existential discomfort is normal; instead of rushing to fix it, he recommends listening and waiting for "calling experiences"—revelatory moments from the unconscious, such as subtle emotional shifts or chance encounters. These can jolt us from complacency and guide personal discovery.
Challenges in the Digital Age
Modern life presents unique obstacles to this inner work. With declining religious belief, we have less communal support, and pervasive loneliness compounds the issue. Distraction is omnipotent: smartphones fill every spare moment, shrinking the time for processing life and fostering self-unity. Tallis warns this risks increasing mental health problems and sleep issues, as unprocessed emotions surface at night. "For the first time ever," he writes, "it is possible to be so distracted that you are in danger of missing your own life."
The Peril of Outsourcing to AI
The rise of artificial intelligence adds another layer of complexity. While AI excels at processing vast information rationally, human minds operate through gut feelings and unconscious insights. Tallis cautions against conflating the two or outsourcing emotional work to AI chatbots, citing concerning examples like therapy bots failing to detect suicidal cues. His next book will explore the digital universe's impact on mental lives, underscoring the mantra: "Do not confuse AI with your own unconscious."
Paths to Integration and Wholeness
Drawing on Carl Jung's concept of "individuation," Tallis sees the second half of life as a journey to integrate outer and inner selves, achieving resilience on personal terms. This might involve pursuing neglected interests, such as painting or writing—for Tallis, it meant authoring fiction under a pen name. He argues such activities restore balance lost to earlier life imperatives like earning a living, benefiting emotional health and even neural function.
Tallis avoids prescriptive "top 10 tips," noting psychotherapy teaches that one size doesn't fit all. However, he suggests practical steps: loosen old patterns by trying new things, practice mindfulness, pay attention to dreams and arguments as unconscious communications, respect biological rhythms, confront thoughts of death, and cultivate spirituality through awe in nature, art, or music. Ultimately, it's about connecting with oneself and others—a timeless, yet often overlooked, wisdom.
