Polyamorous Mother Opens Up About Juggling Partners and Parenting
On Valentine's Day morning last year, Naomi Aldwyn-Allsworth began her day in an unconventional manner. She woke up beside her partner Matt, sharing champagne bubbles in bed over a breakfast featuring novelty chocolate treats shaped like breasts. Later, she returned to her London home to spend the remainder of the day with her seven-year-old son and her other partner, Christopher.
As a practicing polyamorist—someone who maintains multiple romantic relationships simultaneously—the 30-year-old survival and outdoor expedition specialist describes the traditional path of a desk job, marriage, and retirement at state pension age as her absolute "worst nightmare." Speaking via Zoom just days before departing for Norway to train in minus-30-degree conditions for an upcoming South Pole expedition, Naomi offers detailed insights into how she manages to balance motherhood with her complex love life.
Embracing Non-Monogamy as a Natural Relationship Model
"Non-monogamy was the primary way of navigating relationships until a few thousand years ago, so it's surreal to me that it blows people away as this modern, crazy concept," Naomi explains. Her journey into polyamory began when she started dating Christopher at age 20. The pair had been friends since they were 11, attending school together in Pembrokeshire, and eventually had a son together.
"When I started dating Christopher, I realized quite quickly he wasn't someone you date casually," Naomi recalls. "He was someone you might marry and have a family with. That scared me because I felt too young for it to be my final relationship. So we decided we could write our own rules."
Christopher, who comes from a religious background, is content with monogamy. However, Naomi, who is also attracted to women, began dating other people approximately one year after giving birth to their son. "He loved me deeply and didn't want me to close off who I was," she says. "And I love him for that." Since then, she has dated other men and women, as well as married couples—at one point managing four partners simultaneously.
Transparency and Organization as Key Principles
Life in a throuple or larger relationship network has not always been straightforward. Naomi emphasizes that openness and honesty with everyone involved are crucial. "If I was ever wanting to take someone's number or kiss someone, I would confirm it with a partner first so I wouldn't cross any lines without discussing it," she explains. "That first moment of becoming intimate with someone is really important. Everyone should be aware that it's happening."
Naomi, who has appeared on Channel 4's Alone and worked with Bear Grylls, frequently travels internationally for work. This demanding schedule requires ruthless organization to maintain her relationships. She utilizes a specialized app where all her partners—and even work colleagues—can track her location at any given time.
Prioritizing Motherhood Above All Else
Despite her unconventional lifestyle, Naomi is unequivocal that her son remains her number one priority. "Managing a relationship is difficult for the average person with a normal job. Then you add my life into the mix... it is difficult," she admits. "You need to be really organized with your time. My son will always come first, and my career—which is very demanding—is really important to me too. So when I'm back from trips I prioritize family time. A partner has to be aware and understanding of that, and if they can't be, then I'm probably not the right person for them."
Holidays present particular challenges. "At Christmas you want to do all the festive things together. But when a new relationship begins and you have those exciting butterfly feelings, you want to spend all your time together, and you can't," Naomi says. "So naturally you pull back in those moments when most people would jump straight in."
Navigating Parenting in a Polyamorous Network
In her documentary, Naomi acknowledges there are "many challenges" in raising a child within a polyamorous relationship structure. "At the moment it's okay. He's too young to understand every aspect of my relationship, and there's no need for him to—I don't understand every aspect of my parents' relationship," she explains. "Some things stay between us and that's also important."
While her unconventional lifestyle has brought numerous hurdles, Naomi asserts she's unwilling to compromise on it. "[Polyamory] is going to cause rows. Naturally there will be moments of discomfort," she adds. "But there's so much care, openness and transparency in this kind of relationship that you learn to talk through everything. You end up having conversations that many monogamous couples wouldn't dare to enter into."
Family Reactions and Documentary Revelations
When Naomi initially disclosed her relationship status to friends and family, many were taken aback, with some responding judgmentally. "I think it was mainly because we have a son, the concerns were around the impact on him. But over the years, they have seen how my partners and I put him first," she says.
Naomi shares her story in the documentary Love Without Limits: Polyamory and Me, which follows the rocky path of her relationships as she divides her time between Christopher, Matt—a partner who relocated from America to be with her—and married couple Mollie and Connor, whose own family remains unaware of the arrangement.
Christopher acknowledges in the film that their relationship has not always been simple. "It's easier to say there are different partners and there's more love... The reality is, logistically it can be horrific," he admits. The father explains that before any partner meets their son Barnaby, he must meet them several times first—essentially befriending them.
"With us, you can see that a new partner gives Naomi something very different to what I can give her," Christopher says, explaining his openness to her having diverse experiences with different people. "The fact we can go through that and still be happy for each other is beautiful. You're giving your partner something that you can't give them yourself. I'm not jealous. There's another side to loving someone. I'm just happy to be part of Naomi's life and see how she chooses to live it. There's sacrifice for both of us. It's a juggling act."
Personal History Influencing Relationship Choices
In the documentary, Naomi reveals that being raped at age 15 contributes to her reluctance to restrict herself in her personal life. "I wanted to show myself that I was okay and that I could love and be intimate with people while still feeling safe," she says. "I never wanted something like [the assault] to stop me from having a full life."
The film captures difficult moments within Naomi's relationships, including discussions about when Barnaby should first stay at Matt's home with her, and a tense argument between the couple about Naomi not having sufficient time for him. During filming, Naomi and Matt ended their relationship, and she was seen discussing meeting someone new. Viewers also learn that she and Christopher have ended their romantic ties as their relationship evolved into a more "platonic" dynamic.
Current Family Dynamics and Future Outlook
Currently, Naomi and Christopher continue living together to co-parent their son, having moved from a two-bedroom to a three-bedroom home to accommodate dating other people. "Nothing terrible happened in our relationship for us to stop being together romantically," Naomi insists. "It just shifted and adjusted. We still have a lot of love for one another and want to maintain a happy, healthy home."
She acknowledges that introducing new partners can create tension. "If someone goes on a new date it can add a little bit of spikiness to our conversations that day," she says. "But you just work your way through it."
For now, Naomi says she enjoys the balance. She and Christopher remain close, and Barnaby is growing up in a happy, supportive home. His school is aware of their family arrangement and has been understanding.
"With Barnaby, we focus on love, honesty and family, and explain how a number of families look different and it's okay for your family structure not to be the traditional mum, dad and children," she says. "This is just another way, and that it's more people to love and to love him in return."
"Every partner I'm with brings a different kind of energy," Naomi adds. "For me, it's not about one person ticking every box. That's an impossible pressure to put on one partner. But if you spread that load a little bit, I think that's really healthy."
Love Without Limits: Polyamory and Me airs on 24 March at 9pm on S4C and iPlayer.
