Finding Wonder at the Grand Canyon After Trauma
Gazing into the vast expanse of the Grand Canyon with her 22-month-old son, Winnie M Li experienced a profound moment she once believed impossible. This emotional peak capped a transformative 3,400-mile, three-week road trip across the United States with her partner and young child, marking a significant milestone in her journey of healing from sexual assault.
A Journey Through America's Landscapes
The family's epic adventure took them through diverse American landscapes, from the endless cornfields of Illinois to the haunting ghost towns of Oklahoma and the stunning redrock deserts of the Southwest. They marveled at architectural wonders like the towering St. Louis Arch before arriving at their ultimate destination: the breathtaking Grand Canyon.
"I felt a sense of wonder at both the incredible beauty of the canyon and the chance to share this with my young family," Li reflects. This trip represented more than just a vacation—it was a deliberate act of reclamation, undertaken not just for herself or her partner, but particularly for her son.
The Shadow of Trauma
Thirteen years earlier, at age 29, Li was violently assaulted and raped by a teenage stranger while walking in a park. "It's not the kind of trauma you still want to be writing about decades later," she acknowledges, "but that's the thing about trauma: the shadow of it follows you around, and pops up when you least expect it."
In the immediate aftermath, even entering a park alone could trigger panic attacks. Unlikely details could suddenly transport her back to that day and the debilitating sense of helplessness that accompanied the assault.
Gradual Reclamation Through Travel
Through a carefully structured programme of graded exposure and the unwavering support of friends, Li gradually rebuilt her comfort with outdoor spaces. This slow process allowed her to begin reclaiming her lifelong passion for travel and, in doing so, rediscover her authentic self.
A year and a half after her assault, she embarked on a daring solo three-month backpacking journey through Southeast Asia. Flying alone from London to Bangkok, she braved unfamiliar trains and overnight buses on what she describes as "a journey into the unknown."
Contrary to her fears, nothing bad happened. Instead, she experienced profound joy trekking to jungle temples, climbing volcanoes, snorkeling at tropical beaches, and forming new friendships. This victory demonstrated that recovery was possible, even as she recognized trauma's lasting impacts on self-esteem, relationships, and confidence through life's various stages.
Motherhood and New Responsibilities
When Li became a mother five years ago—twelve years after her rape—she faced new challenges. "Once I gave birth to my baby boy, I found myself tasked with a new responsibility: raising him in a world where misogyny and prejudice against women and girls exists," she explains.
Her own perpetrator had been just fifteen years old, highlighting how early some boys learn to inflict violence. Recent UK statistics reveal alarming trends, with a 47% increase in proven sexual offences committed by children over the past five years, predominantly by teenage boys.
Yet Li emphasizes that one violent boy doesn't predict all boys' behavior. She consciously teaches her son to be considerate of others, sensitive to their feelings, and to always ask for permission. "I hope he can bring out the good in people and will always see the joy and wonder in the world," she says.
Overcoming Anxiety Through Adventure
Determined not to pass on anxiety or fear to her child, Li planned the ambitious US road trip across eight states when her son was just 22 months old. While challenging—ensuring a toddler settled in different motels each night—the experience proved transformative for the entire family.
Her son delighted in Route 66's quirky roadside attractions, Arizona's Petrified Forest dinosaur fossils, and counting pumpkins in Santa Fe's artisan district. Each new stop offered fresh discoveries, while Li and her partner realized that such journeys remain possible and worthwhile when initial fears are overcome.
Now five years old, her son embraces the world with curious wonder that Li wishes more adults retained. "I'd like to think he gets some of this from me—I've worked hard to reclaim my love of travel after my rape and to impart this same love onto my boy," she reflects.
The Ongoing Journey
Li hopes her son sees the world as a wonderful place worth exploring rather than one full of danger, though she acknowledges this hasn't been easy. "The knowledge of potential violence always haunts my choices, questioning if I am reckless in roaming so far from the safe and familiar," she admits.
Trauma creates what she describes as "an invisible shell of anxiety" that can harden around survivors, restricting their world and limiting their ability to venture outward. She wants her child to be as free from this anxiety as possible, which means modeling a life where they can stride into the world unencumbered by fear or past experiences.
This reclaimed joy of travel is something Li hopes readers take from her experiences and her new novel, What We Left Unsaid, which tells the story of three estranged adult siblings undertaking their own journey down Route 66. More importantly, she hopes to pass this perspective to her own son—that despite darkness, wonder and discovery await those brave enough to seek them.
