As the final days before Christmas tick away, many parents across the UK are reaching a point of festive exhaustion. While the pressure to create a perfect holiday is immense, new scientific research suggests that putting on a brave face when feeling overwhelmed could be storing up significant mental health problems.
The Festive Strain and Emotional Suppression
A pioneering longitudinal study, published in the journal Communications Psychology, has tracked the real-time experiences of nearly 300 UK parents throughout the Christmas period. The research, led by Dr Ziwen Teuber at the University of Luxembourg, aimed to understand how parental burnout unfolds during a time of heightened expectations.
The study found a clear and concerning pattern: as feelings of burnout increased, parents became more likely to suppress their genuine emotions in subsequent moments with their children. Instead of sharing their true state, they often pretended to be happy while feeling exhausted or overwhelmed.
"We were particularly interested in the Christmas period because it's a time when parenting stress often intensifies," explained Dr Teuber. "Routines change, social expectations increase, financial pressure rises and parents often feel responsible for creating enjoyable holiday experiences for their children."
Why Faking Happiness Backfires
This strategy of emotional masking, while perhaps feeling necessary in the short term, carries long-term risks for both parents and children. For parents, it can lead to storing up more stress, exacerbating feelings of burnout. For children, it represents a missed opportunity to learn vital emotional lessons.
"Children miss out on learning that all emotions – including difficult ones – are normal and manageable," Teuber noted. The research challenges the assumption that good emotion-regulation skills alone protect parents, indicating that when stress accumulates faster than the chance to recover, even skilled individuals can struggle.
An intriguing separate analysis of the same data found no significant gender differences in overall levels of parental burnout. However, it confirmed that mothers typically carried a heavier cognitive load, doing more of the planning, organising, and mental labour associated with the festive season.
Escaping the 'Perfect Christmas' Trap
Experts agree that the cultural myth of an ideal Christmas fuels the problem. Patrik Bogdán, a psychologist at the University of Pécs, stated that burnout is not a personal failing but "a natural response to prolonged life stressors." He emphasised that it often affects those who strive hardest to be perfect parents.
UK parenting coach and author Anita Cleare described parental burnout as an "occupational hazard" of modern family life. "The point of Christmas is to relax and enjoy each other’s company and yet parents are so busy with the trimmings that we have no emotional bandwidth left with which to connect with our kids," she said.
Practical Steps to Prevent Festive Burnout
Do Less and Prioritise: Cleare advises parents to resist the pressure to "do Christmas properly." Choose traditions that have genuine meaning for your family and let the rest go. Children often value simple, connected time over elaborate productions.
Practise Calm Honesty: Instead of masking stress, use age-appropriate language to acknowledge it. Saying "I'm feeling a bit tired today" models healthy emotional awareness and reduces your own strain.
Share the Load: Both Teuber and Cleare stress the importance of partner support. Sharing the planning, shopping, and emotional labour can significantly dilute the pressure.
Build in Micro-Recovery: Burnout worsens without recovery. Even short breaks—a walk, a few quiet minutes—can prevent stress from accumulating. Have a prepared sentence like, "I need a short rest," to model a healthy coping strategy.
Lower Self-Imposed Standards: Bogdán highlights that reducing excessively high personal expectations is a crucial step. Recognise that parental burnout often strikes those who demand the most of themselves.
The collective message from researchers and family experts is clear: authentic connection, not a picture-perfect performance, is the true foundation of a happy and healthy family Christmas.
