New insights from leading UK sex and relationship experts have identified the clear markers of being a considerate and skilled lover. This comes in response to a revealing survey which found that nearly a third of Britons harbour doubts about their bedroom abilities.
What the Survey Revealed
A study commissioned by Superdrug Online Doctor discovered that 32% of people in the UK suspect they are bad in bed. In light of this finding, Metro consulted with top intimacy professionals to not only address performance worries but also to highlight what truly makes someone 'good' between the sheets. The experts shifted the focus from anxiety to affirmation, detailing the specific actions that demonstrate sexual proficiency.
The Expert-Verified Signs You're a Great Lover
You prioritise the journey over the destination. Gigi Engle, a certified sex therapist and resident expert for the dating app 3Fun, emphasises that excellent lovers do not treat orgasms as the sole objective. "Great lovers aren't chasing orgasms like they're the end-all-be-all for being good at sex," she states. Instead, they focus on pacing, maintaining curiosity, and staying finely attuned to their partner's pleasure. This non-goal-oriented approach, coupled with open communication, typically leads to a more satisfying experience for everyone involved.
You are confident in slowing things down. In a culture often influenced by high-speed adult content, the ability to decelerate is a powerful but underrated skill. Engle notes that individuals who are proficient in bed use slowness to build intimacy and trust, rather than using intensity to avoid vulnerability. This deliberate pacing allows bodies and minds to synchronise, which is fundamental for mutual pleasure.
You bring authentic enthusiasm to the encounter. Annabelle Knight, a Sex and Relationships expert at Lovehoney, points out that genuine presence and interest are frequently more attractive than any specific sexual technique. A partner who is clearly engaged and expresses their desire—verbally or physically—creates a far more compelling dynamic than one who appears nonchalant or detached.
Communication and Attunement Are Key
You actively listen and adapt to feedback. A standout sign of a good lover is how they handle communication. It's not enough to simply ask "what do you like?"; the crucial step is adjusting your behaviour based on the answer. Knight explains that the most reliable signal of success is whether your partner feels safe enough to be honest in the moment and satisfied enough to seek a repeat experience. Engle adds that skilled individuals view feedback as valuable collaboration, not criticism, and remain curious rather than defensive.
You notice and respond to non-verbal cues. The ability to read a partner's body language—tension, relaxation, enthusiasm—and adjust in real time is a hallmark of bedroom skill. This attunement means not every instruction needs to be verbally spelled out, fostering a deeper, more intuitive connection.
You respect boundaries without taking them personally. How someone responds to a "no" is incredibly telling. Engle identifies viewing boundaries as useful information rather than as a rejection or blow to the ego as a clear sign of sexual maturity. Those who respect limits stay curious and see them as an opportunity for growth within the relationship.
Handling the Aftermath with Care
You manage nerves and changes in arousal gracefully. Confidence in bed isn't about faking perfection; it's about emotional regulation. The ability to handle pauses or shifting moods without personalising them creates a safe atmosphere that, in turn, fuels desire and connection.
You treat aftercare as an integral part of sex. The experience doesn't end at orgasm. Engle stresses that people who are good in bed understand this. Whether it involves cuddling, checking in, or sharing a shower, aftercare is part of the complete sexual package, not an optional extra. This emotional grounding is often what transforms a good encounter into one a partner eagerly wants to repeat.
Your partner wants to do it again. Ultimately, this is the most significant indicator. As Annabelle Knight reminds us, being "good in bed" is less about a catalogue of techniques and more about how you make someone feel: "safe, wanted, listened to, and fully included." The desire for more is the ultimate testament to your skills.
The experts conclude that while not every sexual experience will be perfect, incorporating these mindful behaviours—focusing on connection over performance, communicating openly, and prioritising mutual care—lays the foundation for a fulfilling and confident sex life.
