In a candid and deeply personal seven-day diary, a 28-year-old lesbian from Cardiff has revealed how she navigated a 400-day sexual dry spell, triggered by the devastating discovery that her long-term girlfriend had been leading a double life.
From Compulsive Heterosexuality to Proudly Queer
The woman, named Miley for the feature, works as an assistant and describes herself as 'chronically single'. She explains that her relationship with sex has been 'slightly awkward', but is improving with age. Originally from a small Welsh valleys town, Miley says she was a victim of 'compulsory heterosexuality', not realising that feminine girls like her could also be gay.
'I slept with men but fantasised about women,' she admits. It was only after moving to Cardiff eight years ago that her world opened up and she began living proudly as a lesbian. She dismisses the common heterosexual notion that dating women is easier, arguing that while sleeping with men felt simple and detached, intimacy with women involves deep feelings and rapid emotional attachment.
The Betrayal That Led to a 400-Day Drought
The root of her lengthy abstinence from sex was a profound betrayal. More than 400 days ago, Miley's world shattered when she received a message from another woman beginning with 'hey babe'. This woman revealed they were both in a relationship with the same person—Miley's girlfriend of two years.
'It wrecked me, realising that trust can mean nothing. You never really know someone,' Miley confesses. This breach of trust led her to withdraw completely from physical intimacy, focusing instead on self-pleasure with her 'beloved clit-sucking vibrator', which she credits with giving her multiple orgasms weekly.
Taking the Leap Back into the Dating Pool
After a night out where friends hooked up, Miley decided to become active in her dating life again. With the help of a friend, she created a Hinge profile, a process she found 'horrifically cringe'. The effort paid off when she matched with a brunette femme who loved hiking, seemingly her type.
Breaking her own pattern of endless app messaging, Miley boldly asked the match for a drink. The act of sending the message and stepping out of her comfort zone alone reignited a spark of excitement and arousal. Their first date at a pub went well, culminating in a 'steamy kiss' against the wall and plans for a second meet-up.
A New Kind of Intimacy
The second date, at an Adele tribute act gig, provided a quirky and relaxed atmosphere. Feeling a connection, Miley invited her date back to her place. However, in a tender twist, her date asked if they could simply hug and touch lightly, explaining she was also learning the art of taking things slow.
Although Miley had hoped to finally end her dry spell, she found the experience profoundly relaxing and intimate. 'It’s so relaxing and intimate to just be back in bed with someone once again,' she reflects, highlighting a new, more mindful approach to physical connection after her hiatus.
Throughout the week, Miley's diary entries detail her journey from self-pleasure and nervous excitement to tentative steps back into dating, all while processing past hurt and redefining what intimacy means to her on her own terms.
