In pubs and private chats across the UK, a spirited debate is brewing: how long should a one-night stand linger once the sun comes up? The conversation, sparked by candid confessions, reveals a deep divide in modern dating etiquette.
The Great British Stand-Off: To Stay or To Go?
‘I need them out of my space asap,’ says one person. ‘They need to book me an Uber early,’ insists another. These are just a few of the comments overheard in a recent pub discussion about the proper conclusion to a casual encounter.
With the UK ranking as the fourth-most sexually active country for casual encounters, according to the World Values Survey, the 'morning after' protocol is a pressing issue for many. While casual sex is popular for its fun, low-commitment nature, the ultimate comedown often stems from a lack of clarity on how it should end.
Myisha Battle, a certified clinical sexologist and dating coach, suggests that the rush to eject a partner often stems from deeper, sex-negative attitudes. ‘If it is casual, it’s commonly accepted that you don’t have to treat them nicely,’ Myisha tells Metro. She contrasts this with the effort people willingly invest during traditional courtship.
The Case for a Quick Exit
This sentiment is echoed by a 30-year-old woman who explained her rationale to Metro. ‘The fun of a one-night stand is the lack of commitment, so having someone in my space after the act defeats the purpose,’ she said. ‘I may sound savage, but if I wanted someone to cuddle, then I’d go on a date.’
For many, the context of a typical one-night stand—meeting on a night out, often without full sobriety—fuels the desire for a swift, solo morning. The thought of facing a near-stranger while hungover and ‘looking worse for wear’ is a powerful motivator to show them the door.
Why the Morning After Matters
Myisha Battle argues compellingly for a more compassionate approach. She highlights that the post-coital period is a unique physiological state, flooded with bonding hormones like oxytocin, pleasure-inducing dopamine, and relaxing prolactin.
‘People have this idea that there’s no benefit to those tender human moments after sex, like cuddling,’ she says. ‘It’s nice to linger in that space. It’s a temporary physiological state that doesn’t have to mean anything more than we just had a fun night together.’
She points a finger at the ‘commodification of dating,’ accelerated by dating apps where the journey from match to sex can be a matter of hours. This, she argues, creates a ‘churn and burn’ mentality where people feel meetings have a single purpose, with no obligation for further interaction.
Furthermore, Myisha warns that a harsh ‘got to go’ attitude can limit romantic opportunities. ‘Hookups can turn into romances,’ she explains, citing examples from her own circle where nightclub encounters led to engagements. She also challenges the outdated social conditioning, often seen in men, that devalues a potential partner for having sex on a first meeting.
Navigating the Goodbye with Grace
There are, of course, valid exceptions. If someone has been rude or disrespectful, asking them to leave is perfectly reasonable. Personal boundaries about your space or having prior morning commitments are also respectable.
For those situations where you simply need your space back, honesty is the best policy. Myisha suggests broaching the topic before things get underway. ‘You could say something like “I’m really excited for this, but just to let you know, you won’t be able to stay”,’ she advises. This allows the other person to make an informed decision.
If the moment to talk has passed, it is still considered polite to ensure your guest has safe transportation home, a point underscored by the fact that young women most commonly experience harassment on public transport late at night. If sharing a bed is uncomfortable, offering the sofa is a kind compromise.
Ultimately, Myisha Battle’s core message is one of fundamental human decency. ‘We’re all human beings... there’s no value difference between different people, so it’s nice to be nice.’ So, the next time you find yourself in that familiar morning-after scenario, perhaps consider putting the kettle on before they find their underwear. That simple act of kindness could make all the difference.
