In 1965, as a junior at the Jesuit high school in New Orleans, I had an epiphany during football practice: why was I doing something I disliked? I quit the team, haunted by guilt over what felt like a dereliction of duty. The Jesuits celebrated student achievements, and I contributed by playing golf and writing for the school paper. Their emphasis on Socratic thinking—questioning leading to answers, sparking new inquiries—shaped me as a writer. Teachers like Kevin Trower, a lay Latin instructor, urged us to think deeply, echoing Caesar's "Alea iacta est" (the die is cast). The priests instilled in us the ideal of being "men for others," inspired by Jesus and later Pope Francis, focusing on dignity for the marginalized. Little did I know how this ethos would intersect with the emerging world of abuse survivors.
Early Encounters and Hidden Truths
In 1966, I confided in my religion teacher, Father Pat Koch, about my father's struggles with alcohol and absence during Vietnam war protests. Koch, pronounced "Coke," encouraged me to pray for closeness with Jesus and blessed me, leaving me feeling relieved. Years later, my father recovered, but Koch's legacy took a dark turn. In 2021, a deposition revealed allegations that Koch sexually abused teenagers at Dallas Jesuit Prep in the 1970s and 1980s. Four men accused him, though he died in 2006 with an obituary full of praise. Father Philip Postell, a former school president, testified that abuse cases were handled cautiously back then, lacking today's vocabulary and urgency. Koch had been reassigned to New Orleans in 1966 after complaints in Texas, yet he never harmed me personally, leaving me in a conflicted space between gratitude for his guidance and horror at his actions.
Survivors Step Forward
The 2018 Pennsylvania grand jury report on Catholic Church abuse spurred investigations nationwide, including in Texas. In 2019, the Dallas diocese listed Koch as credibly accused, shocking survivors like Mike Pedevilla, a 1983 Jesuit Prep graduate. Pedevilla had kept his abuse secret for decades but went public after the list's release, suing the school and Jesuit province. He emphasized not wanting to harm Jesuit Prep, and school president Mike Earsing apologized, leading to an emotional reconciliation. Other survivors, like Brendan Higgins, also came forward, detailing traumatic experiences with Koch, including an incident at a New Orleans world's fair where Koch assaulted him. Higgins, despite his pain, later donated to the school, reflecting a complex relationship with his past.
Legal Battles and Settlements
Postell's deposition, where he expressed shame and apologized for the harm caused, marked a turning point. In March 2022, a settlement was reached in Dallas, including undisclosed financial compensation and reforms in handling abuse reports. The agreement involved six men accusing Koch, with the Jesuit order covering most claims. Postell's name was removed from the school's stadium as part of the deal. Earsing stated that the school would memorialize the past by creating a prayer space for abuse victims, honoring the "men for others" motto. Survivors like Higgins received honorary degrees, symbolizing a path toward healing, though the emotional scars remained.
Personal Reflections and Broader Impact
My own journey intertwined with the crisis. In the 1980s, I reported on clergy abuse cover-ups in Louisiana, facing backlash from local media. Support from Jesuit teacher Father Frank Coco, who affirmed my work with "These things must be known," bolstered me. Coco later blessed my second marriage, defying canon law for what he called the "greater good." Meanwhile, the abuse scandal expanded, with Jesuit schools nationwide facing lawsuits and settlements. In New Orleans, my alma mater settled cases involving employees like Pete Modica, and ongoing litigation highlights the challenges of addressing historic abuse. Attorney Soren Gisleson, a Jesuit graduate, noted how these cases "demystify" the past, revealing a more complicated reality.
Institutional Responses and Ongoing Struggles
Jesuit institutions have grappled with the crisis through initiatives like Fordham University's "Taking Responsibility" study, which examines how to address abuse within religious orders. The Jesuits' website lists credibly accused priests with disclaimers, reflecting the tension between accountability and legal caution. Survivors like Pedevilla advocated for reparations funds, but Jesuit leaders resisted. The church's task, as Gisleson put it, is like "sand shifting under your feet"—confronting a changing past to prevent future betrayals. For me, faith has been tested but persists, shaped by my daughter Ariel, who had Down's syndrome and radiated innocence. Her memory, along with prayers for souls like Koch's, guides my ongoing search for meaning in a broken world.
This series, supported by the Fund for Investigative Journalism, explores the lives of clergy abuse survivors in New Orleans, revealing the deep wounds and slow path toward justice and healing.
