Jules Millward, a mother of five from the UK, has spoken out about the stark double standards she faces compared to her husband when parenting their children. While she endures incredulous questions, invasive comments, and body scrutiny, her husband is routinely praised as a 'super-dad' for simply taking the kids out.
Everyday encounters highlight bias
Millward recounted a typical school pick-up where a woman silently counted her children and asked, 'Are they all yours?' followed by the familiar comment, 'You've got your hands full'—a phrase she hears multiple times a week. She noted that her husband rarely receives such scrutiny; instead, he gets praised for being a hands-on dad.
According to Millward, when her husband takes all five children to the supermarket, strangers stop to call him 'super-dad' and tell him how amazing he is for 'giving Mum a break.' She has never been called a 'super-mum.' Instead, she has been asked at the school gates whether all her children have the same father—a question never directed at her husband regarding the children's mother.
Body comments add to discomfort
Millward also faces remarks about her body, with strangers and other parents saying, 'You look like that after having five kids?!' While intended as a compliment, she finds it uncomfortable, especially as a mother raising a daughter, as it reinforces expectations about women's appearance after childbirth.
She shared that a gym trainer once suggested she and her husband 'must be at it like rabbits,' though no one has made similar comments to her husband. Millward laughed it off, noting that five kids are the best contraception.
Shared workload, different perceptions
Despite sharing parenting duties equally—from morning chaos to bedtime, packed lunches, and logistics—people assume Millward bears the primary responsibility. Questions about childcare or meal planning are directed at her, even when both parents are present. Her husband has been asked what she is cooking for dinner, as if meal planning falls solely on her.
Millward emphasized that the problem is not that people are kind to her husband, but that she is held to a different standard. 'Fathers shouldn't be treated as exceptional for doing the school run or taking their kids to the park,' she said. 'Parenting is their responsibility too—no matter how many children they have.'
Outdated beliefs persist
She attributes these assumptions to outdated beliefs that mums are solely responsible for children while dads are just 'helping out.' Millward hopes for a shift in perceptions so that both parents can be congratulated on their loving family of seven, rather than one being put on a pedestal and the other boxed into a stereotype.
Millward's story resonates amid declining birth rates in England and Wales, which are at their lowest in 50 years, making large families less common. Yet she insists that the double standards she faces are not unique to her family size but reflect broader gender biases in parenting.
