A Mother's Wisdom: Treating Children as Lifelong Companions
In the early 1990s, Morwenna and her mother shared a close bond, captured in nostalgic photographs that hint at a unique parenting style. This relationship was built on a simple yet profound principle: treating children like old friends.
The Unintended Advice That Shaped a Lifetime
One summer day, Morwenna sat on the kitchen washing machine, listening as her mother revealed the best part of having children. It wasn't framed as direct advice, but rather as a natural outcome of motherhood. Her mother explained that having children meant she always had little friends—specifically, Morwenna and her sister. This connection ensured she rarely felt lonely.
From a young age, Morwenna's mother involved her daughters in everyday activities, from visits to galleries and supermarkets to occasional work outings. As a divorced parent largely on her own, she engaged with her children as if they were old friends, discussing both big and small matters without discrimination. The children listened, much like Tom Hanks' volleyball Wilson in Cast Away, fostering an incredibly close relationship that lasted until her mother's passing in August 2020.
Applying the Advice in Modern Parenting
Now a mother of two herself, Morwenna reflects on how this advice influenced her decision to have children, though she acknowledges it wasn't the sole factor. She recognizes that her happy childhood doesn't guarantee the same for her sons, especially in a world facing environmental destruction and instability. Her mother's desire was primarily to be a mother, while Morwenna sought a complete family unit.
In practice, Morwenna finds that her sons evoke stronger emotions than any friend—they can provoke anger, demand immense time, and exploit her weaknesses. Unlike friends, they come with significant financial costs, akin to maintaining a car. Yet, they also bring an unparalleled sense of fulfillment, sometimes leaving her embarrassed by the depth of her love. She suggests that "companions" might be a more accurate term than "friends" to describe this dynamic.
Beyond Economic and Environmental Arguments
Discussions about parenthood often focus on economic and environmental factors, but Morwenna highlights the instinctual drive and curiosity that led her to have children. She describes the allure of having someone to talk to, travel with, argue with, and potentially experience life-altering conflicts with, always with the hope of reconciliation.
Ultimately, Morwenna realizes that her mother's advice wasn't a prescription for having children but a reflection of their adult relationship. It was a way of expressing love, not dictating life choices. As her sons grow and assert their independence, she sees this wisdom as a testament to the enduring bond they share.
