For many families, watching the 2009 festive comedy 'Nativity!' is as much a part of Christmas as mince pies. Starring Martin Freeman, Marc Wootton, and Alan Carr, the film has cemented itself as a seasonal staple, regularly featuring in Netflix's UK top 10. Yet, beneath its heartwarming charm and catchy songs, the movie presents what educators describe as a safeguarding nightmare, packed with scenarios that would trigger instant dismissal in any real school.
A Classroom Assistant's Chaotic Reign
The film's chaos largely stems from the character of Mr Poppy, the unqualified classroom assistant played by Marc Wootton. Hired through nepotism, his antics include calling an 11-year-old 'eye candy' and teaching children a provocative dance. Amelia, an Assistant Headteacher, told Metro he is a 'huge safeguarding risk' who wouldn't survive a real recruitment process.
Louise Robins, Deputy Head of Early Years, added that while fun is important, safeguarding relies on 'clear roles, consistency and predictable adult behaviour,' alongside rigorous recruitment policies far removed from Mr Poppy's appointment.
Trips That Defy All School Policy
The film's plot hinges on several wildly improbable school trips. In one scene, Mr Maddens and Mr Poppy spontaneously take the class to a hospital to witness a live birth, with no parental consent or risk assessment. Amelia noted such a trip 'would most likely end in the class being scarred for life.'
Even more extreme, two children are whisked off to Los Angeles on forged consent forms in a bid to find a Hollywood producer. Louise labelled this an 'international disaster waiting to happen' that would breach every safeguarding policy and constitute a potential kidnapping.
The Spectacular (And Dangerous) Nativity Play
The climactic nativity performance itself is a feat of theatrical daring no primary school budget or risk assessment could ever allow. It features a child singing from a flying moon cut-out, an angel soaring on a harness, and the Three Wise Men arriving on live camels.
'Magical? Yes. Risk-assessed and approved? Highly doubtful!' said Louise. She explained that a real school would require checks on weight limits, harness safety, animal welfare, and extensive insurance, concluding that most stick to 'tea towels and tinsel halos.' Amelia conceded that with proper management it could be epic, but acknowledged the immense logistical hurdles.
Do Teachers Still Love the Film?
Despite the professional horror, both teachers confirmed they still enjoy the movie. 'Yes I can watch it! Usually with my class and just for laughs! As long as I don't consider the risk assessments, I find it quite hilarious,' Amelia admitted.
Louise echoed this, calling it one of her favourite Christmas films for being 'heartwarming, funny, albeit wildly unrealistic.' She watches it 'knowing it's fantasy, laughing through the stress because I truly know how hard the job really is.'
Since the original's release on 27 November 2009, three sequels have followed: Danger in the Manger (2012), Dude, Where's My Donkey? (2014), and Nativity Rocks! (2018), featuring stars like David Tennant and Catherine Tate, and continuing the series' famously bonkers tradition.
