As the final hours of 2025 tick away, many of us are left with a familiar, hazy feeling about the past twelve months. For Guardian columnist Tim Dowling, the year has been defined not by grand events, but by a creeping sense of forgetfulness and the comforting certainty of statistics.
A Household in Reverse
In a striking reversal of a long-standing trend, Dowling reports that 66.6% of his adult sons are now living under his roof. This marks a sharp increase from 0% at the end of 2024, signalling an abrupt halt to the outward migration of offspring. The empty nest, it seems, has suddenly become a little more crowded.
The Literary Black Hole and a Doomed Joke
One of the year's more personal revelations was a profound literary amnesia. Despite being an avid reader, Dowling realised he could recall almost nothing about the books he had recently finished, not even titles or authors. His solution was to start a list, a task that turned into a forensic investigation of online orders and WhatsApp chats. The provisional total for the year stands at 27 books, with one potentially being finished as the New Year bells chime.
On the comedy front, 2025 was the year of a single, ill-fated joke. Dowling delivered it 14 times, each met with total bewilderment. The joke, a pun on the trendy spreadable Calabrian sausage 'nduja', required a specific setup and a knowledge of its pronunciation. It was reluctantly retired after a barrage of emails from pedants pointing out the soft 'J' pronunciation in Calabria, which, they insisted, rendered the entire premise void.
Niche Comforts and Social Reckonings
In search of solace for his own roofing woes, Dowling found an unlikely source of comfort: YouTube. He spent 3.5 hours of the year immersed in the channel of 'Steve Roofer', who meticulously details the many failings of flat roofs. Recommended by his own roofer, the videos provided a strange sense of shared understanding.
The social ledger of his column yielded mixed results. Only 2 people expressed delight at being mentioned, thrilled even as unnamed lunch guests who were mistakenly invited to dinner. Conversely, 1 person was furious at their omission. Dowling admits he forgot to mention a book club member named Nicola while detailing a plot to eject him, an oversight that has left her livid and may cost him his place in the club for 2026.
As the rake handle of the old year swings up to meet him, Tim Dowling's numerical audit paints a picture of a year filled with small, personal reckonings, forgotten plots, and the quiet chaos of family life returning home.
