A husband is frustrated that his grieving father-in-law has moved in, putting a halt to his adventurous sex life, including wife-swapping with his best mate. Laura Collins offers advice on how to handle the situation without resorting to infidelity.
Husband laments loss of wild sex life
The man, who has been with his wife for nearly eight years, describes their relationship as phenomenal until recently. They share similar interests, laugh together, and have always had mind-blowing sex. His wife is adventurous and willing to try almost anything, including swapping partners with his best friend and his wife, as well as group sex. These encounters always took place at their flat because the other couple still lives with his parents.
However, the situation changed when the wife's mother died unexpectedly in January. Her father began spending more and more time at their home, and the husband feels he has overstayed his welcome. The wild sex life has been reduced to almost nothing, as the wife is reluctant to have even basic sex when her father is staying due to paper-thin walls. The adventures with the best mate and his wife have also been put on hold. After six months, the husband is unhappy with the deterioration of their love life and is tempted by a female colleague who has shown interest in him.
Counsellor advises against affair
Laura Collins, a counsellor and columnist, advises the husband not to have a fling with his colleague. She says, 'Your wife has shown herself to be a caring person, which is surely one of the things you love about her. Don’t repay her by being selfish and impatient about your own needs. A fling with your colleague would just be replacing one problem with another, because things are sure to get tricky – as they always do with affairs.'
Instead, she urges him to resolve the difficulties at home by showing sympathy to his father-in-law, as six months is not a long time for grief. She suggests talking to his wife about how he feels and having her explain to her dad that while they understand his need to be around family, it is in his long-term best interests to rebuild his own life. She recommends the father-in-law contact the Cruse Bereavement Helpline and seek support groups.
Questioning the wife's true feelings
Collins also raises a question: 'Are you sure your wife isn’t using her father’s presence as an excuse to get out of a wild sex life she’s not so keen on?' She advises the husband to listen to his wife's needs and not just think of his own. If the wife is truly as into the adventurous sex as he is, it can resume once her dad spends less time at their place. In the meantime, being understanding and patient will help.
