Many men in committed relationships admit to frequently thinking about a past love, often referred to as 'the one that got away'. A recent survey by Metro found that some married men think about an ex almost daily, even after years of marriage.
Daily Thoughts of a Lost Love
Ciaran, 37, told Metro he thinks about an ex 'almost daily', despite being 'happily married' for 18 years. 'We are still really good friends, but only really chat online now,' he said. Another man, Oscar, 45, admitted that at its peak, he thought about the one that got away 'every hour'. He described it as a classic 'right person, wrong time' situation.
Wondering 'What If'
Alex, 35, has been married for a decade with two children. He said he thinks about two past loves 'a couple of times a month'. 'I think of them both in terms of the happy memories we shared and the times we were living in. The world isn't what it once was, and these two girls represent a simpler time for me,' he explained.
Regret and Letting Go
Ahaan, 23, is single but thinks about an ex 'more often than he'd ever admit out loud'. Their relationship ended after he cheated. 'The worst part is knowing that she didn't get away; I let her go,' he said. 'All the things she wanted from me, like consistency, effort, reassurance, and commitment, she ended up getting from someone willing to give them.'
Expert Insight: It's Normal
Sex and relationship expert Gigi Engle said thinking about an ex doesn't mean a relationship is doomed. 'You could be perfectly happy, perfectly secure, and perfectly content with your stable partner, and still be tempted by the idea that there's something shiny out there that you can't have,' she explained. She noted that nostalgia and idealization play a key role.
BACP-registered counsellor L.J Jones agreed that occasional thoughts are fine. 'A passing thought is completely different from wanting to leave a current relationship,' she said. However, if thoughts become frequent, they may reflect unmet emotional needs or dissatisfaction in other areas.
When to Seek Help
Engle warned that becoming fixated on a past love can be unhealthy. 'It's ok to miss that person, but becoming so incredibly fixated on the one that got away to the point that you're sabotaging yourself or your relationship or comparing everyone to an ex, isn't healthy and needs to be addressed,' she said.
