EastEnders actor Toby-Alexander Smith, known for his role as Gray Atkins, has spoken candidly about his experience with post-natal depression (PND) after his wife, Emmerdale star Amy Walsh, gave birth to their daughters. The couple welcomed Bonnie in 2021 and Nell in March this year.
Post-natal depression affects 1 in 10 fathers
While often associated with mothers, post-natal depression also affects approximately 1 in 10 fathers during the first year of their child's life, according to the pregnancy charity Tommys. The charity notes that PND is 'widely misunderstood and frequently overlooked by both patients and medical staff,' with fewer than 1 in 5 fathers seeking professional help.
Smith, who researched the condition after recognizing his own symptoms, said: 'It was only really when I sort of delved into the research of mental health, you see that there is a community of men out there who are going through the same thing.' He added, 'There isn't any kind of reference point for dads. It's a growing community and more and more conversations are starting to happen now, which I think is amazing and, you know, so important.'
Recognizing the signs in himself
Speaking to the Daily Mail, Smith explained that his wife's storyline on Emmerdale, where her character Tracy suffered from PND, made him aware of the symptoms. 'Amy had actually done a postnatal depression storyline on Emmerdale when she was pregnant, and so I sort of knew all the signs to look out for in her,' he said. 'And I was watching her like a hawk, only to realise that some of those same symptoms were showing up in myself.'
He described feeling 'the highs and the lows were a lot' and experiencing 'that feeling of helplessness and guess a feeling of failure at times.' Smith added, 'Just that overwhelm, the sheer overwhelm of not being able to cope, it really does creep up on you.' He credited their good communication for helping identify it early.
Turning experience into art
Smith channeled his experience into a short film called Finding Calm, which he wrote and starred in alongside Amy. The film centers on a first-time father struggling to connect with his newborn son.
Pressure of being a positive role model
Smith also discussed the pressure he feels to be a positive male role model for his daughters, especially given the rise of the 'manosphere' amplifying misogynistic voices. 'I think is so incredibly important, because I do think it's a scarier time,' he said. 'I'm hoping there's going to be a huge shift by the time they're introduced to technology and film, because I would be very daunted and anxious.'
He expressed concern about social media: 'Now, at the current time, there's a lot of noise on social media that's really not good and very unpleasant. I'd hate to think of my daughter being ten years older than she is now and seeing and hearing some of the conversations that boys and men are having.'
Support for dads with post-natal depression
Tommys lists common symptoms of PND in men, including feeling sad, hopeless, exhausted, numb, guilty, irritable, or anxious; changes in appetite or sleep; lack of interest in partner or baby; and thoughts of self-harm or death. The charity advises talking to someone if something feels wrong.
Support options include NHS talking therapies (for those in England aged 18+), Mind (0300 123 3393), CALM (0800 58 58 58), PND Daddies (Twitter chat Tuesdays 8-9pm via #PNDDaddies), PANDAS Dads (private Facebook group), Samaritans (116 123), and SMS4dads (text service).
