New scientific analysis suggests that doggedly pursuing the wrong personal goal can be a direct path to increased stress, anxiety, and depression. Conversely, the act of strategically walking away from an aim, modifying it, or finding a new one can lead to significantly improved mental health.
The Science of Strategic Disengagement
The findings come from a comprehensive meta-analysis of 235 previously published scientific papers, led by Hugh Riddell, a lecturer at the Curtin University School of Population Health. Published in November, the study investigated how people disengage, re-engage, or adjust their goals when faced with obstacles or changing circumstances.
"That decision to let something go can be a tricky one," Riddell acknowledges. "But when people make that decision, it can often have positive implications for a person's well-being." He challenges the "dominant social narrative" that persistence is always the key to achievement, noting that while it holds some truth, relentless pursuit can sometimes lead only to frustration, unhappiness, and the neglect of other life areas.
Harmonious vs. Obsessive Passion
Professor Robert Vallerand, a psychology expert at the Université du Québec à Montréal, provides a crucial framework for understanding goal pursuit. He distinguishes between two types of passion: harmonious and obsessive.
Harmoniously passionate individuals can engage fully with their goal while maintaining a healthy balance with other parts of their life. In contrast, obsessive passion is characterised by an inability to stop thinking about the goal, even during downtime, often leading to pursuit even when it is clearly harmful.
Vallerand's research indicates that obsessive passion is frequently fostered by external pressure from a significant person, while harmonious passion usually stems from a personally chosen goal. This passion type is a key predictor of whether someone will healthily persist or detrimentally cling to an aim.
Practical Wisdom from Experts and an Athlete
Carsten Wrosch, a professor of psychology at Concordia University in Montreal with decades of research in the field, warns that persisting with an unattainable goal can lead to depression, stress, inflammation, and physical health problems. He suggests that feeling consistently glum about a goal can be a useful signal it is wrong for you.
Wrosch also advises consulting a trusted friend for perspective, as people are often overconfident. "Most people think they are better than average drivers," he points out, illustrating how this bias can cause individuals to "hang on too long."
Australian Paralympic champion Michael Milton, 52, who is aiming to qualify for the 2026 Winter Paralympics, embodies a considered approach. After retiring in 2006, he regained his love for skiing through family trips. Before committing to his ambitious comeback, he discussed the extensive training impact with his wife and children, aiming to keep the pursuit "fun" and avoid negative obsession.
How to Reframe Your Goals
Riddell recommends a reflective approach for anyone feeling stuck. He suggests analysing what truly appeals about a goal. Using the example of climbing Mount Everest, he asks: Is it the outdoors, ticking achievements, or impressing others?
If the core desire is adventure in the Himalayas, a modified goal—like hiking to Everest Base Camp—might offer similar satisfaction with a far higher chance of success. "If you keep running into walls and it isn't happening for you, that can actually be really detrimental for a person's well-being and mental health," Riddell cautions.
The key takeaway is that goals should be mobilising and uplifting. "We should be looking for those goals that are boosting us up, and leading to that sense of satisfaction," Riddell concludes. "It's that continual checking in and reflecting with yourself that's really critical."
