As the new year dawns, many of us feel the pressure to transform ourselves, setting ambitious resolutions to become fitter, more productive, and more virtuous. Yet, according to mental health experts, this annual ritual is prime territory for a dangerous mindset: perfectionism.
The All-or-Nothing Trap
While setting reasonable goals can be positive, perfectionistic resolutions become rigid tests of self-worth. Miss a single gym session or make a small mistake, and the entire endeavour can collapse in a wave of self-criticism. The issue, say therapists, isn't a lack of willpower but the perfectionism itself.
This trait often wears a respectable public mask of diligence and high achievement. "Who wouldn’t want to do things properly, to high standards?" ask the experts. However, in the therapy room, it is recognised as a significant barrier to happiness and authentic living. Perfectionists typically want to be free of the associated anxiety, depression, and burnout, but are deeply reluctant to lower their standards—a reluctance reinforced by a society that frequently rewards such drive.
Fear, Not Excellence, is the Engine
Beneath the surface, perfectionism is less about the pursuit of quality and more about a profound fear of failure. It is characterised by rigidity, anxiety, and relentless self-criticism, thriving on shame where any mistake is seen as evidence of personal defectiveness.
This fear can ironically lead to behaviours that sabotage success. Procrastination is strongly linked to perfectionism; if a task can't be done perfectly, it feels safer not to attempt it at all. The overwhelming pressure to be flawless can cause paralysis. Furthermore, perfectionists often struggle to complete tasks, as their work never feels adequate—a dynamic encapsulated in the warning to not let "the perfect be the enemy of the good."
Even when perfectionism results in outward success, it offers only fleeting satisfaction, often accompanied by a nagging fear of being exposed as a fraud.
A Case for 'Good Enough'
The story of 'Julie', a 37-year-old academic, illustrates this struggle. Despite being well-regarded and award-winning, she lived in constant fear that one mistake would reveal her inadequacy. Therapy revealed that her self-worth was entirely tied to perfect performance, a belief rooted in childhood where parental attention was closely linked to achievement.
Her therapy was challenging because she was terrified of lowering her standards and even wanted to "do therapy perfectly." Gradually, with support, she learned to differentiate between "good enough" and perfect. As she cut back on excessive work habits, she found her colleagues' respect and her students' learning remained unchanged. Her anxiety reduced, her sleep improved, and her connections with others deepened.
In today's world, the battle is harder. Social media showcases flawless lives, students fear missteps will ruin futures, and workplace KPIs dominate. Being simply "good enough" can feel like a moral failure, stifling experimentation, curiosity, and creativity.
This is not an argument against standards or responsibility. The goal is to reclaim healthy striving—a flexible, self-focused wish to improve that accepts limits and understands error is integral to mastery. As Brené Brown notes, healthy striving asks "How can I improve?" whereas perfectionism is other-focused: "What will they think?"
The antidote for the new year is to treat it not as a demand for total transformation but as an invitation to experiment. Set modest, attainable goals, be compassionate when you hit a bump, pivot if needed, and accept that our flaws are part of a shared humanity.
