A survivor of a crime remarkably similar to the Fordingbridge case has written to caution against language that suggests victims' lives are permanently ruined. The letter, published in response to recent coverage of the case, highlights the importance of offering hope while acknowledging the profound impact of sexual violence.
A Personal Perspective
The writer, who experienced an almost identical crime over 20 years ago, notes that the perpetrators were the same age and number, and the court outcome was the same. However, unlike the Fordingbridge case, the incident was not filmed due to the absence of social media at the time, though word of mouth still led to name-calling in the community. The writer acknowledges progress in public understanding of the impact of such crimes, but expresses concern over some discourse that may inadvertently harm survivors.
Words Matter
The writer points out that comments in print and social media, such as “their lives are ruined” or “they’ll never heal,” while intended to emphasize the severity of the crime, can be unhelpful. Reflecting on personal experience, the survivor describes the profound and lasting effects: struggles with healthy decision-making, harmful coping mechanisms, and years of numbness or fabricating problems. Despite over a decade of weekly therapy, supported by a specialist charity, new buried effects continue to surface. The writer agrees that the sentences in the Fordingbridge case are woefully inadequate relative to the harm caused.
Hope and Healing
Nevertheless, the survivor strongly rejects the idea that life is ruined. They highlight a successful career, wonderful friendships, world travel, and a growing peace with body and mind. Comparing the process to learning to live with grief or chronic illness, the writer describes how life expands around the pain, and managing it becomes easier over time. The future is not an eternal tunnel of darkness, but a rich tapestry where the trauma is just one part of a bigger whole.
Advice for Survivors
The letter offers advice to the girls in the Fordingbridge case and others in similar situations: they will need a lot of support, time, and space to feel a range of emotions. The writer encourages them to seek out places and people that provide these, and to give themselves time and space as well. Above all, they hope the victims know there is hope for their lives ahead.
In a final note, the writer expresses gratitude to a primary school teacher who was a guardian angel in the aftermath of the crime, and who they never had the chance to thank. The teacher, known only as S, is asked to reach out if she sees this letter.
