Australian writer Michelle Law has revealed how a single Cantonese idiom, repeated by her mother throughout her life, has profoundly shaped her attitude towards risk, beauty, and practicality. The phrase, '要靚唔要命' (jiu leng m jiu ming), translates literally as 'you want beauty, you don't want life'.
A Mantra Forged in Caution
Law describes herself as having been "the world’s most risk averse, law-abiding scaredy cat". She doesn't smoke, has never been drunk, avoids drugs, and even feels nervous jaywalking. This ingrained caution, she explains, is inextricably linked to her mother Jenny Phang's constant refrain. The idiom served as a judgment on anyone prioritising appearance over wellbeing or choosing to "look cool" rather than be sensible.
"It’s the kind of judgmental observation you make about someone who has clearly prioritised their appearance over their physical wellbeing," Law writes. She cites examples her mother might have used: someone walking barefoot with blisters after a night out, a cyclist without a helmet, or a person struggling with daily tasks due to long acrylic nails. In Chinese culture, with its focus on longevity, practicality is favoured over fleeting trends.
From Teenage Rebellion to Practical Motherhood
During her teens and mid-20s, Law actively rebelled against this doctrine. She became defiant in her pursuit of being "cool" and "beautiful", squeezing into winter miniskirts, wearing makeup on inflamed skin, and getting nail salon infections. Her mother was horrified she was buying into the allure of being "trendy".
By her late 20s, as her health fluctuated, her priorities shifted. She swapped aesthetics for practicality: clothes with pockets, no ironing required. She began dressing, as she puts it, "like a repressed Asian housewife". Now a mother herself, with no time to care about perception, her transformation is complete. Makeup is replaced with sunscreen, a purse with a nappy bag, and jewellery with a pensioner-style cross-body phone case. Leggings reign supreme for the "incidental exercise" of baby care.
Passing On Generational Wisdom
Law acknowledges this idiom-based outlook is now part of her own parenting. For her baby son, she prioritises soft, breathable onesies that won't irritate his eczema over Instagram-worthy outfits. "He’s a baby. All he needs is to be safe, loved and comfortable," she states. But she knows a day will come when that is not enough, and she will find herself repeating the same maternal warning: 要靚唔要命.
Despite her disciplined life, Law humorously confesses to a sense of foreboding about a potential spectacular midlife crisis, born from a lifetime of suppressed risk. But for now, the voice of her mother, and the enduring wisdom of that Cantonese phrase, continues to guide her choices.
