In a significant shift within the world of professional dominance, a growing number of men are seeking not cruelty or humiliation, but gentle reassurance and calm authority. This trend, known as 'soft domming', is seeing a remarkable surge in popularity, particularly among professional men in cities like London.
From Humiliation to Reassurance: A New Kind of Request
Melissa Todd, a dominatrix with three decades of experience, notes a clear change in client demands. Where requests once centred on being shouted at or degraded, she now estimates that a third of her male clients explicitly ask for a softer, more nurturing dynamic. This translates to roughly 30 men each week, a figure that stood at virtually zero just a few years ago in 2023.
The archetypal client is often a man in his thirties to fifties, grappling with work pressure, financial anxiety, and a pervasive sense of imposter syndrome. A poignant example came from Iain, a 32-year-old London digital executive, who contacted Todd in September 2025. After a promotion left him feeling anxious, he didn't want to be broken down; he wanted to be held together. His request was for someone to be firm but kind, confident but reassuring.
Burnout and the Search for Emotional Containment
This trend didn't emerge in a vacuum. Experts and practitioners point to a backdrop of collective burnout, exacerbated by the pandemic, the cost-of-living crisis, and a modern dating culture that can leave individuals feeling disposable. For men who are constantly expected to perform, lead, and cope, the fantasy is no longer about escape through intensity, but through respite.
Soft domming provides emotional containment. It's a space where clients can relinquish control without shame, where decisions are made for them, and where they receive clear praise and reassurance. The dynamic often involves a maternal, warm authority figure who sets firm but caring boundaries. As Todd explains, dominance is not inherently about cruelty; it's about responsibility. In a world where male vulnerability often has little sanctioned space, this form of consensual power exchange offers profound relief.
Precision and Care in a Vague Emotional Landscape
This shift also challenges stereotypes that equate kink solely with extremity. Within the structured framework of soft domming, boundaries are discussed explicitly, expectations are clear, and aftercare—the process of checking in post-session—is normalised. In an era where everyday emotional communication can be awkward or vague, this dynamic is oddly precise and negotiated.
The session with Iain culminated in a role-play where Todd, as a strict but loving aunt, provided a gentle spanking paired with continuous whispers of reassurance. For Iain, the most meaningful part wasn't the physical act but the verbal affirmation—being told he was still fundamentally good. He reported sleeping better that night than he had in weeks, describing the experience as comforting more than conventionally arousing.
While female clients have not yet made similar requests in Todd's practice, the trend among men is unmistakable. It suggests that some sex workers are inadvertently filling gaps left by overstretched mental health services and rigid societal scripts of masculinity. The fantasy of the moment isn't excess, but safety; not humiliation, but the simple, eroticised power of being told, firmly and kindly, that you are enough.
