An anonymous woman has bravely shared her story of growing up in a home dominated by domestic violence, arguing that children who witness such abuse are victims in their own right, a reality she says society must urgently recognise.
The Haunting Sounds of Childhood
One of her most vivid early memories is from around the age of six, watching her father hurl a chair at her mother. She recalls sliding down the back of a door, curling into a ball, and sobbing in terror. Yet, she says, it is the sounds that haunt her more than the images three decades later.
The nights were particularly harrowing. Lying in bed trying to sleep, she would hear the relentless thuds of her father punching her mother in the bathroom. On another occasion, she woke to find her mother's forearm wrapped in a blood-soaked towel after her dad had thrown a glass at her, a wound dangerously close to an artery.
A constant, chilling fear that her father would eventually kill her mother became a permanent fixture of her childhood. While he never physically harmed her as severely, she endured being dragged down the stairs while wetting herself with fear, regular verbal abuse about her weight, and a desperate need to avoid being alone with the man who was supposed to be her protector.
The Invisible Burden on a Child's Shoulders
Her survival depended on becoming hyper-vigilant. She learned to read the atmosphere at home the moment her father walked through the door, constantly assessing danger in seconds and mediating adult emotions. This, she stresses, is the core of the trauma for children in abusive households.
"Trauma is having to witness abuse and live in fear," she writes. "It is being forced to monitor danger, mediate adult emotions, or hide the truth."
Outwardly, she was a high-achieving model pupil, but this was a survival tactic. She believed any 'bad' behaviour at school would make the situation at home even worse. With her mother covering for the abuse—telling hospital staff she had simply fallen—no professional ever intervened to offer support. She believes if her mother had understood the profound impact on her, she might have left sooner.
It took 13 years for her mother to leave for good, a decision finally triggered when the daughter developed anorexia. Despite the girl being vocal about the abuse to friends and adult family members, most chose to look the other way. Her father's family denied it completely and accused her of lying.
A Lifelong Struggle for Healing
Now an adult with a successful career, a loving husband, and two children, she appears from the outside to have "made it out." Yet the internal reality is a daily battle. She struggles with severe emotional regulation, experiencing intense swings of sadness, anger, and elation within minutes.
She is overwhelmed by grief and anxiety when triggered, particularly by the sight of happy, loving families—a reminder of what she never had. She still has days where she feels suicidal or resorts to self-harm, fighting these urges fiercely to protect her own children from a different kind of trauma.
Healing, she has found, is neither linear nor simple. "It is messy, painful, and exhausting," she admits. While private therapy helps, its cost limits her to only a couple of sessions a month. She maintains limited contact with her mother, who has not resolved her own trauma, and has cut off her father entirely, accepting after 34 years that he will never change.
Her powerful testimony is a direct call to action. She is outraged that hundreds of thousands of children are currently living through similar nightmares with little specific support. She demands that these children be treated by the system as victims, not mere witnesses, and given specialised support from mental health services, charities, and social services before the trauma becomes lifelong.
"We deserve support, and love, and safety—all of the things we deserved from the start," she concludes. "I know that a better life is possible and I’m fighting for it every day."
The article is part of Metro's 'This Is Not Right' campaign, launched on November 25, 2024, in partnership with Women's Aid, to address violence against women. The campaign encourages others to share their stories.
