For many parents, the daily routine can feel like a chaotic whirlwind of competing demands. From the frantic morning rush to the burnt broccoli at dinner, it's a relentless cycle of joy, exhaustion, and guilt. How can families navigate this while keeping everyone healthy and happy, without parents neglecting their own needs? We spoke to leading parenting experts for their practical, evidence-based advice.
Building a Framework: The Power of Routine and Flexibility
Establishing a predictable structure is a cornerstone of a smoother day. Dr Martha Deiros Collado, a clinical psychologist, advocates for a simple routine. "A bit of routine that becomes predictable makes things smoother for everyone. We know that kids do well with a routine," she says. This doesn't require military precision; rough timings for wake-up, meals, and bedtime can provide essential scaffolding.
However, rigidity can be counterproductive. Collado stresses the need for flexibility within that framework. Illness, poor sleep, or work pressures mean plans must adapt. On survival-mode days, she advises focusing on the "actual needs"—feeding everyone and getting to work or school—and letting go of the "extras" without guilt. "Good enough doesn't mean you do it all. It means you do what you can when you can," she explains.
Parenting expert Sarah Ockwell-Smith suggests a radical yet simple tweak for stressful mornings: waking up an hour earlier. "You have a really calm breakfast together. You do half an hour playing with each other first … and then everything is slower and easier," she advises. While challenging on little sleep, this investment in calm can transform the day's start.
Redefining Engagement: From Playmate to Guide
Many parents feel pressured to be constant entertainers, a notion fuelled by social media depictions of elaborate crafts and play setups. Science writer Elena Bridgers, who studies parenting in hunter-gatherer societies, offers a liberating perspective. "The evidence suggests that children need sensitive, attuned caregiving… But they don’t really need you to play with them."
Instead of feeling obliged to play Lego, she recommends involving children in daily tasks. Giving them a simple chore is beneficial for their learning and development and is just as valuable as dedicated playtime. Furthermore, seeking out child-friendly public spaces like parks allows kids to engage in mixed-age, independent play, giving parents a vital breather and replicating the "village" model of collective child-rearing.
Language is a powerful tool in fostering cooperation. Collado recommends moving away from commands and towards playful, joining-in language. For example, turning shoe-finding into a race to the door. With older children, it's about negotiation and making them feel heard. Parenting coach Olivia Edwards suggests offering autonomy with questions like, "What’s your plan for making sure we can put this away and get our shoes on?"
Prioritising You: Boundaries, Repair and Self-Kindness
Setting and maintaining boundaries is crucial for preventing burnout, but it requires discernment. Ockwell-Smith advises parents to question their rules: "Does it really matter if they jump on the sofa?" While safety boundaries are non-negotiable, others, like wearing a Spider-Man suit to nursery, can be relaxed for an easier life.
When tensions fray and parents snap—an inevitable part of family life—the concept of rupture and repair is essential. For young children, this might mean a sincere apology and a hug. For teenagers, it could involve scheduling dedicated one-on-one time to reconnect. This process not only mends bonds but models emotional resilience.
Ultimately, sustaining the energy to parent well means prioritising self-care. Edwards emphasises monitoring your nervous system; low patience is a sign you need space. Collado is unequivocal: "To be a mother does not mean you have to be a martyr." Modelling a full, balanced life is beneficial for children. However, Ockwell-Smith reframes this as "self-kindness"—a compassionate internal dialogue that doesn't require extra time or money. It's about treating yourself with the same understanding you offer your children after a bad day, acknowledging that the difficulty lies in the situation, not in your worth as a parent.
