Navigating the ebb and flow of adult friendships can be a complex and often painful process. As lives evolve with moves, marriages, and new family commitments, the once vibrant connections can begin to fade, leaving many to wonder when a bond has truly run its course.
The major red flag signalling a friendship's end
According to counsellor Suzanne Cowie from the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP), there is one particularly telling behaviour that suggests a friendship is on its last legs. While occasional lapses in communication can be forgiven, a persistent pattern of self-absorption is a critical warning sign.
"If you feel that a friend is only ever concerned with their own life and never curious about yours, that is a red flag," Suzanne explains. She emphasises that healthy friendships should be mutually supportive, making you feel valued, heard, and lifted up.
How to address a faltering friendship
Before writing off a long-standing pal, Suzanne advises taking proactive steps. The key is open, non-confrontational communication. Instead of listing your friend's perceived failings, focus on expressing your own feelings using "I" statements.
She suggests sending a message such as: "I have tried reaching out to you to catch up, but there never seems to be time. I feel disappointed that we haven’t met up, and I miss you. I want to sustain our friendship and wondered if we could talk about this?"
This approach, she clarifies, avoids putting the other person on the defensive and opens a door for honest discussion. If the friend is willing to work on the relationship, they will respond positively. If not, it provides clarity.
Making peace with the end and moving forward
If efforts to reconnect fail, Suzanne urges individuals to respect the other person's choice. "We can’t control what other people do, only our reactions to their actions," she states. The end of a significant friendship can trigger a genuine grieving process, involving stages like denial, anger, and sadness.
However, letting go of a relationship that no longer serves you creates space for new, more fulfilling connections. Suzanne recommends joining clubs, gyms, or hobby groups to meet new people. Being approachable—smiling, asking engaging questions—is crucial. Once a new connection is made, consistency in arranging follow-up meet-ups is the biggest factor in nurturing a lasting friendship.
This advice, first published by Metro on June 10, 2025, and revisited in the new year, offers a compassionate roadmap for one of adulthood's more challenging social dilemmas.
